Episode IX Leak: Chewbacca, R2-D2, C-3PO, Motion Pictures, The Force, And Star Wars All Die In Final Film Of New Trilogy

If you’re a fan of Star Wars, perhaps it has not always been a pleasant experience for you when new films in the franchise come out. One of the things about the film series that has emerged in the 40 years since its first installment hit theaters has been the constant debate between fans over what they liked — and often did not like — about the latest episode in the saga. The latest addition, The Last Jedi, is no exception.

The response to the film has been so mixed that there is even a contingent of super-angry fans petitioning to have Disney officially strip The Last Jedi from the canon of the stories, relegating it to the same bin that much of the so-called “expanded universe” of books and comics was sent to when Disney acquired Star Wars. The latest chapter is controversial among the fandom for many reasons, but its predecessor, The Force Awakens, also took heat from some fans who felt it was too derivative of the original trilogy, and the killing of Han Solo by his son Kylo Ren remains another hot debate topic.

Well, get ready to perhaps be even more upset, Star Wars fans!

The Last Jedi went to Twitter and divulged a potential massive spoiler.

The tweet, sent under the name “Vance Shmingy,” indicated that not only would beloved characters Chewbacca, C-3PO, and R2-D2 die in the next film, it would appear that the movie will also end the existence of The Force as well. If that development wasn’t shocking enough, Shmingy’s tweet also indicates that George Lucas, the franchise creator, and the franchise itself, will also be killed off in the next chapter.

In an exceedingly rare move, Disney executives have confirmed the details of the tweet, even after the tweet itself was deleted.

“We have decided as a group that the best way to provide real emotional value and investment for the audience in this final chapter, it’s necessary for Chewbacca, the two main droids, George Lucas, and Star Wars all to die in the next episode,” Disney said in a written statement. “We’ve also decided, while we were at it, what the hell — let’s just also have the art form of motion pictures killed off as well. We think this shows a very brave choice, to make a movie without making movie that is part of a movie series that is also not really related to the other movies in the series.”

JJ Abrams, the Episode IX director, could not be reached for comment.

You can read more satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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