Spray-Tanned Sexual Predator with Low Approval Ratings Mocks “Morning Joe” Host’s Looks & Ratings

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The nation’s top orange sexual predator unleashed a torrent of abuse on a member of the press today on Twitter.

In a verbal barrage of tweets, temporary President Donald Trump attacked MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.” Trump stated the show is “poorly rated.” In another tweet, he assailed the show’s co-host Mika Brzezinski, claiming she tried to see him shortly after plastic surgery.

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Trump’s attacks on the show, and Brzezinski in particular, struck a somewhat comical chord with some, given that he uses so much bronzer that he is often referred to as “orange.” The president’s remarks might ring even more ironic given that the latest Gallup polling shows so many Americans disapprove of his performance so far. The most recent data from one of the country’s most trusted polling firms shows that Trump currently holds a 39% approval rating, meaning that roughly 61% of the country either disapproves or doesn’t have an opinion of him thus far.

“Sure, almost sixty percent of Americans think I’m horrible,” Trump explained as he left the White House for his morning cheeseburger, hot dog, pizza, doughnut, fried butter, lard doughnut run, “but their ratings are horrible, aren’t they, folks?”

The reaction from the Hill to Trump’s tweets showed that Democrats predictably criticized Trump harshly, while even some Republicans noticeably chastised him as well, though some also equivocated while they criticized him.

“Well that’s just terrible and not very presidential,” Speaker Paul Ryan told reporters outside his gym this morning, “but I mean, I can’t say it’ll stop me from sending him bill after bill aimed at wiping out Obama’s legacy and helping my rich donors, know what I mean, bros and lady bros? Excuse me while I go hammer my glutes, yo!”

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Senate Majority Mitch McConnel, dabbing massive tears from his always wet, sunken eyes before they dribbled down his non-existent chin onto the sunken leather bag that is horrific looking throat, said he was “sad to see” Trump “sink to such lows.”

“As much of a liberal, mainstream media hater shit bitch Mika is,” McConnell said, “as president Trump should let people like Hannity and Limbaugh say those kinds of things. We all believe them and say them behind closed doors, but President Trump simply must learn to keep those thoughts inside and only email them to fellow Republicans on our secret personal servers. Wait. What?”

The White House did not respond to requests for comments on this story.

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James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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