HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA — Paramount Studios has filed a lawsuit against the Space Force, alleging that their logo is a “blatant and comically obvious, lazy ripoff” of the emblem that has been used as a trademark for the Star Trek franchise for nearly 60 years.
In legal briefs filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court, Paramount claims that the Space Force logo is a “direct and obvious theft” of their intellectual property. Paramount argues that the Trump administration’s new branch of the armed forces “did willfully and with great hubris endeavor to pull the wool over Americans’ eyes and steal our Star Trek logo.” Paramount is suing for undisclosed damages and is requesting the courts order the White House to direct Space Force to change their logo.
“While we are well-aware the morals, scruples, integrity, and originality are rare commodities in the Trump administration,” Paramount’s legal team argued in the briefs, “plaintiffs are nevertheless quite outraged that the White House attempted to co-opt their IP without any compensation, much less permission.”
According to court filings, Paramount initially sought redress from the administration directly. In a sternly worded letter, Paramount’s legal team demanded that the Trump administration immediately commission a new logo for Space Force. However, according to Paramount, the White House ignored requests for a meeting. Paramount included their letter to the White House as part of their filings.
“Did you idiots really think we wouldn’t notice? It’s not an impeachable offense to be such a lazy, incompetent gang of morons,” Paramount wrote to Trump, “but it’s still shocking nevertheless to see it in action. We’ve been slapping that logo on press releases and merchandise for almost as long as President Trump has had bone spurs…wink wink…so how you all expected to just be able to steal our shit without even asking first is something we will never, ever understand.”
Speaking to reporters today during a press conference announcing their lawsuit, Paramount’s deputy assistant lead corporate counsel said that stealing their Star Trek logo is “par for the idiotic course” when it comes to the Trump administration.
“Apparently, if the First Lady can steal Michelle Obama’s speeches,” Paramount lawyer Becky McGee told the media, “her husband’s boondoggle can steal our intellectual property, at least in their minds. We understand, of course, this is an extraordinary step, but we are living in extraordinary times, and we just frankly never expected a public sector entity to steal private sector IP without elected Republicans calling for that agency to be punished harshly for their misdeeds.”
In D.C., Senior White House Bullshit Advise Kellyanne Conway warned Paramount “not to get cocky” and said that they should “really consider reconsidering” their lawsuit.
“I wouldn’t put it past this president to nuke all of Hollywoo if they don’t knock this off,” Conway insisted, “and he’d be well within the Constitution doing so. Don’t believe me? Well – OH HEY WHAT’S THAT?!”
Conway pointed off into the distance and ran away while the reporters were distracted.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.