Man From South Korea Feels “Relieved” Being Near Just One Entitled, Delusional Psychopath Again

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA –Min-Jun Rhee has lived in South Korea his entire life. Rhee has spent time traveling the world, however, and he recently told us during an interview that he’s never felt more at ease and comfortable than when he’s in his home country. However, over the last couple of days, Min-Jun admits that he’s been extremely uncomfortable.

“As someone who has lived with the threat of an egomaniacal, delusional dictatorial douchebag not that far from you,” Rhee told us, “I have to say, having two egomaniacal, delusional dictatorial douchebags in your general vicinity at the same time is absolutely nightmarish.”

Though President Donald Trump’s recent visit into his country was brief, Rhee says the entire time that he was there, there was unshakable feeling that came over him.

“It just felt, what’s the word I’m looking for? Stupider. Just so much stupider once he was in country,” Rhee said. “I mean, this is a guy who thinks China invented climate change as some anti-American hoax. So it would make sense that it would get a little dumber around here, but I just had no idea what kind of derpy shadow this orange man casts until he was here, sliming up the joint.”

Normally, Rhee says that it’s “bad enough” waking up every day in “the shadow of a selfish, spoiled twat waffle with a nuclear arsenal at his command.” But when Trump was in South Korea as well, Rhee says it became clear “this country isn’t big enough to double that equation.” He says that he was afraid World War III might break out while Trump was visiting, and that it would probably start because one or both men “will say something so stupid the rest of us would ignore it,” but the other man could not.

“They are just about the same person, separated by a few decades of age, a continent, and ocean,” Rhee said, “but make no mistake — both men are out of touch, insincere, unhinged, delusional psychopaths who have never been held accountable in their lives. They have way more in common than not.”

As badly as Mr. Rhee was feeling, he says that as soon as Trump tweeted that he was leaving South Korea and heading to China, the “dark clouds lifted.”

“It was almost like when the wheels of Air Force One were up, our country’s collective IQ and general happiness tripled, at least,” Rhee said.

Rhee has coined a term for the relationship between Trump and Un.

“The Dumbfuck Missile Crisis,” Rhee explained, “Because, you know, they’re two dumbfucks with missiles. Pretty self-explanatory, really.”

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James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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