Sources: Trump Asks Palin If She Ever Thinks About Banging Her Own Daughter Too

HALLOWELL, IOWA — The relationship between billionaire Donald J. Trump and former Alaskan Half-Term Governor Sarah Palin is getting “quite cozy” as one Trump aide put it recently, relaying a story that shows just how intimately the two have become since Palin endorsed Trump’s bid for the Republican presidential nomination.

“We’re sitting there in the limo back to the airport after Sarah made her announcement,” the aide told us under promise of anonymity and energy drinks, “and Mr. Trump leans over to her and says something kind of inaudible at first.” The aide said that Sarah at first wasn’t sure what Trump was asking her and had to have him repeat the question.

“I asked,” Trump is reported as saying, “do you ever think about banging your daughter too?”

“Too,” Palin reportedly asked her fellow reality-TV star.

Trump raised his eyebrows up and down in a knowing fashion, and then repeated his question to Ms. Palin, the aide said. “Have you ever thought about banging your own daughter, too, I asked,” Trump said with the same grin never fading. “Because my daughter is yoogely hot, your daughter is yoogely hot,” Trump explained, while his hands pantomimed the silhouette of a female figure, “and just kinda thought maybe you’d think about banging her every now and then, too.”

“Oh, now Donald, I’m afraid I’m a little offended that you’d ask if you could bang my daughter,” Palin said,

“No, you don’t understand dear. I’m asking if you ever get the inkling to bang your own daughter too,” Trump said, making the index finger on his right hand insert itself into a circle made from his thump and index finger on his left hand. Palin, touching her nose and making a noise that could only be described as a snow oil making love to a banshee, Palin indicated she was finally on the same page as Trump.

Ms. Palin, according to the Trump staffer, laughed and playfully touched Trump’s arm. “Up in Alaska,” Palin reportedly told him, “we only do that three months out of the year during the traditional ‘Incest is Best Fest’.” Trump grinned wider, shaking his head. The two laughed and laughed all the way to the airport, silently farting and blaming it on the limo driver.

“All I know is that it’s obvious Bristol likes to bang,” Trump told reporters later that day when asked if the story his staffer had related was in any way true, “and we all know that you — I mean, we — conservatives pride ourselves on passing our sexual morality and purity down to our children, so…I can only assume Sarah wants to bang her like I kinda wanna bang Ivanka.”

Donald Trump currently is the front runner for the Republican nomination in this year’s presidential election.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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