Sinema Congratulates Fellow Dems on Senate Majority She Will Work with GOP to Thwart

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Perhaps nobody is as excited that her fellow Democrats will hold the Senate majority for the next two years than Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D?-AZ).

At a press conference this morning, Sinema congratulated Sen. Raphael Warnock of Georgia for winning his runoff election against the Republican candidate, former football star and current semi-sentient potato, Herschel Walker. In a tight race, Warnock defeated Walker last night, and in doing so assured Democrats a slim, one vote majority for the next two years.

“I just want to say big ol’ thumbs-up congrats to Senator Warnock. This Democratic majority will be very good…for my attention whoring ways,” Sinema told reporters while wearing a smart designer outfit, “and what this really makes me excited for is the opportunity to work hand-in-glove with Senate Republicans to make my party’s majority as irrelevant as possible!”

Sinema said it’s “grody to the max” to suggest she work with her own party instead.

“Like, what’s even the fun in that, anyway,” Sinema asked the press.

Shortly after Sen. Sinema finished speaking to reporters, Sen. Joe Manchin, also a Democrat, took to the podium and delivered his own election post mortem.

“Fuck the Democrats, of which I am one,” Manchin said as he clicked his heels three times. A limousine appeared in a cloud of coal smoke. Quickly, Manchin got into the limo and was sped away from the capitol.

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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