Are You Selfish or Just a Puss-Weed For Not Getting Vaccinated or Wearing a Mask?

It’s a question as old as time itself. Well, it’s as old as how long we’ve had vaccines for COVID-19 and/or masking mandates to help stop the spread of the virus. The vaccines are safe and free, and masks — worn indoors and areas with higher than average case loads — are the best ways to tamp down on, and eventually move away from the threat it poses.

Yet, millions of Americans have refused to either vaccinate or wear a mask. Some cite their civil liberties, other site bogus claims about the vaccines. Regardless of their reasoning, there’s roughly 25-40% of the population that is dead set against doing the absolute bare minimum to help America emerge from the crisis.


Some critics of anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers say they’re selfish. Still others say they’re cowards for not getting a couple of small shots or are afraid to look weak in front of their friends by wearing a mask. But who’s more correct?

As ever, we asked a panel of average Americans to weigh in, and these are their thoughts.

Are You Selfish or Just a Puss-Weed For Not Getting Vaccinated or Wearing a Mask?

Cheryl Carol, 62, Prof. Of Political Science: 

“Umm. Both? I think you’re both. I think you’re scared little selfish twat-waffle if you don’t get vaccinated and you don’t wear a mask. It’s dumb not to get vaccinated, and selfish too, but if you also don’t wear a mask? You’re frankly a cunt in my book.”

Miguel McMichaelson, 55, Investment Banker:

“Gee, that’s not an easy question to answer. Part of me thinks you’re selfish. Part of me thinks your scared ass is acting selfishly because of how terrified you are. But, regardless? If you don’t get a vaccine and you don’t wear a mask? Total cunt.”

Nicolette Comstock, 6, Elementary School Student

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. I can’t even get a fucking vaccine, and there are full-blown grownups out there who can and just are refusing? Because they still have hurt pussies over some douchebag reality-TV star losing an election fair and square? Welp, those are cunts in MY book. If they aren’t in yours, you’re probably a cunt, too.”


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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