ROW BOAT, ARKANSAS — Reggie Bowls is a 32-year old card carrying member of sixteen different gun rights groups. Reggie is also an amateur gun designer in his spare time, and he said that a recent news article on a gun that was designed to fold-up and look like a cell phone gave him an idea for new gun design of his own.
“I want a gun that looks like a candy bar,” Bowls told us, “in case I’m in a 7-11 one day and it gets robbed. No robber would suspect the Snickers bar in my hand could end his miserable life before he gets a chance at due process!”
Mr. Bowls believes that the founders would be inclined to agree with him, that guns should be as hard to detect as possible.
“There’s nothing in the Constitution that says your safety, security, and peace of mind are abridged if we live in a society where literally any common item can be a deadly weapon,” Bowls said, adding, “and if it ain’t in the Constitution, I don’t give a fuck.”
While he’s not sure exactly how the candy bar guns would function, Reggie said he’s contacted several small gun manufacturers around the country and many have shown at least some initial interest. Others have said that they didn’t think the candy bar gun would wind up being legal in most states because it’s “almost inviting a kid to find it and get into trouble with it,” Bowls said. However, even that he feels is a “libtarded thought process” that should be “stamped out.”
“Show me in the Second Amendment where it says we have to be worried about your crotch fruit finding my regal, elegant, beloved, heavenly sanctioned firearm,” Bowls demanded, “because all I see is a very plain commandment to the government that they not regulate these weapons that can end countless people’s lives by mistake or intentionally.”
Bowls said that should his gun get passed over by gun manufacturers in the U.S., he will sue the United States government and is willing to take his case all the way to the Supreme Court. He won’t be “intimidated by so called elected officials just because people elected them.”
“Here’s the bottom line — I want this gun,” Bowls said, “and the NRA has convinced me that the founding fathers wanted a country where all I have to do is want a gun, and I am entitled to it. Therefore I am demanding my candy bar guns be made, sold, and distributed all over the country, because ‘America’ and ‘shall not be infringed’ and other reasons.”