Sean Spicer to Play Melissa McCarthy on SNL’s Next Season

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — While the news of White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s resignation may not have shocked many on the Hill, the fact remains that once his resignation is complete and he leaves his position at the end of August, he’ll be in need of work. Heretofore, there’s been no indication from Mr. Spicer what he’ll do once his short tenure at the White House comes to a close. Now word has come that he’ll have at least some opportunity to earn a paycheck this coming year, and he’ll be doing it while appearing on television.

Kabletown Sheinhardt NBC is pleased to announce that Sean Spicer will be making regular appearances on our popular sketch comedy show, Saturday Night Live in the 2017-2018 television season,” a press release from NBC’s parent company states, “and we’re sure that he’ll play Melissa McCarthy with all the aplomb she played him with.”

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This morning, Spicer was seen in front of the White House, trimming the hedges. He told reporters he was hiding in them one more time “for old time’s sake.” Mr. Spicer then spoke briefly about his upcoming stint on SNL.

“I’m really excretion-example-exact-ex-wife-EXCITED about this opportunity,” Spicer said, “to play Ms. McCarthy. She did a really great job playing me, all though I don’t say Moose Lambs, I say Muslins. But you know, close enough!”

Spicer said he’s a little nervous about learning the lines, but is thankful for the cue cards, which SNL’s producer, Lorne Michaels, assured him will be large enough for him to read.

“And Lorne said after watching me read the press briefings, they’ll keep my lines short and with a two syllable per word max,” Spicer said.

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NBC is hopeful that if Spicer can do well enough on SNL they’ll be able to use him in other projects. A spokesperson for the network said that they’re “always looking for people who can be seat fillers” for various award shows. All that would be required of Spicer would be for him to sit in a seat and not say anything.

“Something tells us that’s pretty much what President Trump told him to do,” the NBC spokesperson said, “so he’d be the perfect candidate for that role, too.”

For his part, Spicer said he’s most worried about being funny enough for SNL’s audience. To mitigate any risk of not coming off as funny as possible, Spicer has hired the best comedy coach in the conservative media circles. Gov. Mike Huckabee says he looks forward to helping hone Spicer’s talents.

“He’ll never be as funny as me,” Huckabee said, “or my wall-eyed daughter, or even my dog killing son. But hey, we’ll do what we can with what he’s got, know what I mean?”

This story is developing.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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