Trump to Pay Tribute to Sean Spicer, Dedicate Bushes in Front of White House to Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sean Spicer, White House Press Secretary, has resigned his post this morning, according to The New York TimesIn a move that might not surprise many people, given the cantankerous, problematic run as press secretary that Spicer had, but sources close to the situation say it was the decision of President Donald Trump to hire Anthony Scaramucci, a move that Spicer vociferously disagreed with, that drove Spicer to his decision to quit.

Sean Spicer, the White House press secretary, resigned on Friday morning, telling President Trump he vehemently disagreed with the appointment of the New York financier Anthony Scaramucci as communications director.

Mr. Trump offered Mr. Scaramucci the job at 10 a.m. The president requested that Mr. Spicer stay on, but Mr. Spicer told Mr. Trump that he believed the appointment was a major mistake, according to a person with direct knowledge of the exchange. (source)

Perhaps wanting to help convince Americans that there is no animosity between the president and his former press secretary, a press release following Spicer’s departure announced that the Trump administration will be making a dedication on the grounds of the White House in Spicer’s name.

RELATED: Sean Spicer Will Interview Melissa McCarthy To Be His Replacement

“President Donald Trump, while saddened to see the departure of one of his most favorite purse dogs,” the press release states, “would like to thank Sean Spicer for his tireless dedication to the truth, and avoiding it all costs. We’ll never forget the laughs we shared, or the conspiracies we hatched together.”

In the spirit of “unity and strength,” Trump announced, the bushes in front of the White House will be named after Spicer.

“The Sean Spicer Memorial Bushes will serve as a permanent reminder of the dedication, mendacity, duplicity, and outright willingness to sell your soul for a chance to have a big boy job that White House,” Trump’s announcement states, “and when you’re willing to be seen by the media ducking into bushes to avoid their questions, no one can question your loyalty.”

The dedication announcement seemed to come with a kind of veiled threat or warning to Spicer.

“Maybe these bushes will also remind Sean to keep certain things he knows close to the vest,” the press release says, “Like when you hide stuff in the bushes. Like murder weapons, or clandestine currency from foreign adversaries, whatever, you get the point. Keep your fuckin’ mouth shut, Sean, is all we’re saying.”

RELATED: Sean Spicer Says Obama Put a ‘Sharia Voodoo Hex’ on Trump’s Administration

Spicer is said to be applying for several positions such as WalMart Liar. It’s a lot like the greeter position, according to WalMart’s corporate documentation, but instead of saying “Hello” to customers, the Liar simply tells something untrue to each customer they see walk through the doors. WalMart has declined to comment on this story, however.

Mr. Spicer served as the press secretary for six months and one day. Trump’s approval rating from Gallup has been stuck at 36% for over a week.

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James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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