Welcome to the very first entry of the Sarah Palin 2016 Travel Log, where we will be documenting some of the stops the Palin 2016 campaign could stop at. This week is our inaugural entry and we hope our last entry will be right before an inauguration. This week’s entry takes us to the very first stop on the Palin 2016 “I Wanna Be President and Stuff” tour. And without any further ado, here’s The Grizzly Mama herself to give you her thoughts on Ft. Trestle, Indiana.

January 25th, 2015

At 6:00am I was off the campaign bus and at our first stop here in Ft. Trestle, Indiana — Chik-Fil-A. I cannot be in a town with a Chik-Fil-A and not stop in. We true, blue, American patriots cannot be afraid to support businesses that represent old fashioned, American values. Nothing says “America” like repressing a minority for no other reason than because you can. I met so many wonderful people, and even one Hispanic was there. I asked him how he was doing in Spanish, “Hoe-lah, co’-mo-‘are you, Miguel?” His name was Ricky and he spoke perfect English, but I’m glad the cameras were there to show how tolerant we Republicans are.

After our stop at God’s Favorite Chicken Sandwhich Restaurant, we were onto Ronald Reagan High School. There I spoke to a massive throng of my supporters, all sixteen or seventeen of whom kept telling me such sweet, encouraging things like “You got this Grizzly Mama!” and “We’re behind you Sarah” and “Why are you still trying to be relevant seven years after you were one-half of one of the most hilariously bad presidential tickets of all time?” People are so nice here in Ft. Trestle.

Then I went to the local homeless shelter. After all, I believe that it’s private charity that should help the Poors, not stealing money from good, clean, American Makers. These Maobama Takers need to get off the welfare and start producing something. Which reminds me, if you want to donate to my SuperPAC, here’s the link, please give me more free money so I can fight the Takers! After making sure the cameras caught me looking semi-sympathetic to those gross, dirty, unwashed masses that Jesus Christ would have told to just let die in the streets since they weren’t working fifteen jobs to support themselves, it was off to Army-Navy surplus store!

This Grizzly Mama knows that if you’re going to be hand-sewing camouflage bras, panties, tank tops, hats and Bible cozies, you need good, quality, American-made camo from a surplus store. So we stopped into the local surplus store in Ft. Trestle so I could stock up. It’s also never a bad thing as a Republican candidate to get a few snapshots taken in front of a bomb, missile, or Klan rally. So after getting my picture snapped holding a copy of the Bible in front of a few choice decommissioned bombs and tank guns, it was off to Wal-Mart.

I stepped into the Wal-Mart in Ft. Trestle and shook hands with everyone I could. I stood in front of the Wal-Mart with cameras rolling and popping and delivered one golly-gosh-heckfire of a stump speech, highlighting my hatred of Obama’s Mom Jeans, my support of all Americans getting to live life without death panels, and of course, taking Maobama to task for trying for seven years to take our guns from us. I didn’t leave of course without buying something for my husband (a gun) and my kids (more guns) and even something for myself (a mirror, because I never get tired of looking at my beautiful, amazing, Patriotic Grizzly Mama face). 

At this point it was about 10:30am — quittin’ time in the Palin House. And after you put in a good hard half-day’s worth of work, what better way to unwind than by going down to the shooting range and taking target practice? Some namby-pamby libtard from the lamestream media asked why all the targets I was shooting looked kind of like Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders and Liz “Socialism Indian (Feather Not Dot) Princess” Warren, and if using that kind of imagery and rhetoric is damaging, considering my website had a picture of former Arizona Congresswoman Gabby Giffords with a crosshair on it within days of the attempt on Ms. Giffords’ life. I of course called him a Communist and kept right on shootin’. 

Sarah: 1,000,000,000
Libtard Lamestream Media: -200 infinities

I was pretty pooped from those couple hours of work and shooting I did, so I went back to my tour bus and laid down to recharge my batteries. Tomorrow we’re moving on to White Sands, Indiana. I can’t wait until I can show the world my mastery of debation soon! I’m going to clean Mitt’s clock and ol’ Jeb better look out, because this Grizzly Mama Patriot American Soldier for Liberty and Democracy is coming, and I ain’t stoppin’ until I reside at 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue!

I can’t wait for October 2015, Election Day! Americans will take back their country from the forces of socialism, death panels and mom jeans! Good night, everyone! See you in White Sands!