WASHINGTON, D.C. — White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced her resignation today, and will be leaving the Donald Trump presidential administration in the coming weeks. President Trump offered the most sincere thanks and genuine well-wishes a lifelong fraud and D-List reality-TV host and sexual predator can muster to Ms.Sanders, via Twitter.
Mr. Trump wished the 2018 winner of Porcine Mendacious Dog Whistle Blowing Asshole Magazine’s “Lying Cover-Up Artist of the Year” perhaps jokingly suggested Ms. Sanders run for Governor of Arkansas. Her father, famous open mic bomb artist Mike Huckabee, once held the very same office.
Though it’s thus far unclear exactly which job the president was referring to when he said that Huckabee Sanders performed a “job well done,” there have been some speculative guesses made.
“If I had to guess, I’d say the job not doing her job because she was too scared to be asked tough questions that pierced the veil illogical lies her boss spins,” Kim Reed, Professor of Political Science at West Glendale University told us. “That sounds pretty plausible.”
Others had their own guesses.
“The job of helping the administration perpetrate some of the worst human rights violations in the name of the U.S. government in the last generation or two,” Katherine Smigglesby of the Future Endeavors Think Tank said. “There’s no one on Earth who can deny she was the right liar at the right time for right cabal of white supremacist neoconfederate scumbags.”
For what it’s worth, Sanders herself hasn’t given any clues what her next move will be. She could help her brother in the canine extermination industry. She could go on tour with her father because she showed a penchant for drolly delivered, unfunny hack material from time to time at the lectern in the White House press briefing room.
However, when reporters caught up with Sanders as she the left the White House last night, she did mention how homesick she was, and specifically said she was looking forward to a “good, home cooked meal.”
“I’ll tell you what y’all libtarded enemies of the people, I almost will miss some of you,” Sanders told the press pool, “but I know once my cloven feet touch that beautiful Arkansas soil, and I get a warm, home cooked meal in the trough my daddy gave to me as a hitchin’ gift, the hell of the last few years will be behind me, and I can get back to lying through my teeth in the private sector.”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.