San Bernardino Files Paperwork To Be Declared a Muslim Country

Published on

SAN BERNARDINO, CA — The Deputy Assistant Under Secretary’s Clerk of San Bernardino, California told reporters late Wednesday afternoon via conference call that official paperwork has been submitted to register and declare the city as an official Muslim Country.

“As we all know,” Deputy Assistant Shirley Clarkson told the media, “terrorism like we saw today at the Regional Center is only conducted by Muslim terrorists in Muslim countries. We know this because vaunted foreign policy experts like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Ben Carson have told us so.” Clarkson said at an emergency meeting of San Bernardino’s city council it was quickly confirmed that “the city would have to update its charter and register as a full-fledged Muslim country.”

Though Clarkson told the press that the council members understood the identity and therefore motives of the suspects were unknown, they wanted to “err on the side of caution and just presume that this was Muslim, foreign born terrorism and not domestic terrorism perpetrated by American citizens with access to military spec weaponry.” Clarkson said that if it is later determined that this incident was the work of American citizens, and therefore just a “regular, old fashioned American Second Amendment expression” as Clarkson said, the city council would retract its application.

“Again,” Clarkson said, “we know as good, clean American patriots know that terrorists are only from other countries, and really they’re only Muslim now. But, if it does happen to be a very rare exception to the rule and it’s a homegrown terrorist, we’ll simply go back to doing what every American does in the wake of a mass shooting — go out and buy even more guns. Because we all know the only way you climb out of a hole is by digging deeper first.”

This story will be updated as it unfolds.

Latest articles

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans...

I Asked This Grand Wizard Why He’s Voting for Donald Trump and Not the Democrat

Ask any evangelical, Christian conservative and they'll tell you without batting a single eyelash...