Sad Libertarian Can’t Figure Out Why His Bottom Polling Candidate Didn’t Get More Debate Time

GRANT, CONNECTICUT — Calvin Ryan is a self-described free-market capitalist libertarian. He runs or helps to run a handful of Facebook pages devoted to the right-wing, libertarian cause. He is supporting Rand Paul in the 2016 presidential election, and that is why he said recently in an “Ask Me Anything” segment on his “Biased America” page that he was “very, very sad.”

“They didn’t give Rand hardly any time to talk,” Ryan lamented in his Facebook post. “Why is it that they let the people like Ben Carson and Donald Trump have all that speaking time, but they didn’t give Rand more than a few minutes? It clearly shows a bias against the Paul name, just like they did to his amazing and beloved father Ron.” Ryan’s post, 1200 words in length, describes in great detail exactly how many questions should have been “only about the debt” or “solely about auditing the Fed,” which according to the post was roughly “all of them.”

Some of Ryan’s fans on his page pointed out that it could be a simple case of Paul not polling high enough for the network to consider slotting more time and direct questions for the Kentucky Republican, but Ryan wasn’t having any of it. “Oh, sure, just because literally not even 5 out of every 100 people want to vote for him, that suddenly doesn’t make him popular enough to warrant spending broadcast time on,” Calvin asked angrily.

“Of course all the sheeple out there are going to wag their finger at me and insist that if more people actually supported Rand that he’d get more screen time,” Ryan wrote in his post, “but that’s because they’re sheeple. The only reason Rand’s not polling higher is because the lamestream media is IGNORING him! It’s not because he talks about bringing our economy back to the late 19th century when labor wasn’t valued, and when rich men like Rockefeller and Carnegie literally bought the presidency for McKinley. It’s because the people are sheep!” Ryan insisted that “if the libtarded media would just showcase Rand more, and let him open his mouth, he’d be polling at at least 102%!”

In his screed, Ryan says that “if these Republicans leaders and the media don’t start giving my unpopular candidate more time in the debates” he will “leave the party and join the Libertarian Party, because we all know they are DRASTICALLY different from the GOP.”

Not much time for Rand to talk, of course not. He hasn’t said anything new in a long time and he seems to be getting dumber somehow.