Rush Limbaugh ‘Mad as Hell’ About Obama’s Facebook Page

PALM BEACH, FLORIDA — Rush Limbaugh is “mad as hell” and he’s not “going to take it lying down.”

What has Limbaugh, the right-wing talk radio legend, up in arms this time you might ask? President Barack Obama now has a Facebook page, that’s what. According to the 64-year-old Limbaugh, the entire U.S. population should be “hopping mad and downright furious” alongside him.

“This Usurper in Chief has once again crossed Constitutional boundary lines,” Limbaugh railed on his show on Tuesday morning, “and it simply has got to stop, Ladies and Gentlemen! Show me where, cite me the exact paragraph in our Constitution where it says the office of the presidency is allowed to have a social media page of any kind, much less one that is hosted on a page like Facebook,” the radio host demanded, adding that in his mind “Facebook is run by Mark Zuckerberg who supports amnesty for illegals” and that this connection alone is “enough to impeach Obama by any traditional meaning of high crimes and misdemeanors.”

During his rant — which lasted three full segments of broadcast time — Limbaugh pointed to a study done by the Heritage Foundation that showed that “anything done by the government ever is the worst possible idea in the history of ideas.” Limbaugh says that the study showed “government spends approximately 1.2 thousand percent more than the private sector would, when you cherry pick and control for factors that would otherwise destroy the right-wing narrative of course” and that “this kind of reckless spending will bring down the American empire faster than anything you can imagine.”

“The good folks at Cato are backing up Heritage on this too,” Limbaugh told his audience, “and they put the estimated price tag of Obama’s Facebook page at at least 6.2 trillion dollars! They have the math to back it up too! All you have to do is take out all the externalities that debunk their hypothesis, make a ton of generalized assumptions the data could never prove or disprove their theory, and you can see how easily obtained this number is!”

Mr. Limbaugh yelled at his audience that “that Democrat in the White House seriously thinks it’s the job of the President to be available to the American people,” and “Ronald Reagan never needed a Facebook page, even though he couldn’t have had one back then since the technology wasn’t even invented yet.” Limbaugh also claimed “Richard Nixon would have been immediately marched out of the White House and put to death by Saul Alinsky himself if he had dared to use the office of the presidency to give the citizenry another option for staying in contact with the most powerful single man in the country.”

“And let me just ask this,” Limbaugh said in a conspiratorial tone, “what’s Hillary’s role in all this? Did they discuss the Facebook page during the Benghazi attack? Is that why we are just now finding out about this page? I mean, it’s not like it could have been something that was put together in a matter of weeks or even days, right? Clearly KILL-ary knows something, and maybe Vince Foster’s the only one who could have told us the truth!”

Limbaugh ended his rant by demanding that his audience “light up” their congressional representatives’ phone lines and “demand that a special select committee be opened up to expose the obvious link between KILL-ary, Obummer, and the secret force of liberals that is ruining America every day.”


James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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