Ruined Traditional Marriage Count (Week #3)

If you’re a fan of our Obama Gun Confiscation Count, you’re going to love this new inventory we are compiling. Since the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 on June 26th, 2015 that no state could discriminate against anyone of any sexual orientation in marriage laws, The Political Garbage Chute has been tracking the impact of that decision. We wanted to count exactly how many straight or “traditional” marriages were ruined in the wake and because of gay marriage now being the law of the land. We waited three weeks to publish our first report to make sure our algorithms and data collection servers were finely tuned and their flux capacitors were humming on the right vibration.

Below is the first bit of data we can report on.

Total Traditional Marriages Ruined by Marriage Equality (Week #3): zero

Total Traditional Marriages Ruined by Marriage Equality (Since 6/26/2015):

zero

Total Number of Christian Couples: Forced to Re-Marry Same Sex Partners:

zero

Total Number of States Allowing Incestuous Marriage Partners (Week #3):

zero

Total Number of States Allowing Incestuous Marriage Partners (Since 6/26/2015):

zero

Total Priests, Bishops and Other Clergy Forced By Law to Perform Same-Sex Marriages (Week #3):

zero

Total Priests, Bishops and Other Clergy Forced By Law to Perform Same-Sex Marriages (Since 6/26/2015):

zero

Total Societal Fabrics: Ripped to shreds (Week #3):

zero

Total Societal Fabrics: Ripped to shreds (Since 6/26/2015):

zero

Total Fire and Brimstone Storms (Week #3):

zero

Total Fire and Brimstone Storms (Since 6/26/2015):

zero

Number of Delusional, Hateful, Misguided Social Conservatives Who Actually Thought All of This Would Happen:

“Too goddamned many to count.”

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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