WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Republican National Committee issued a statement this morning roundly condemning comedian Chris Rock for “allowing himself to be slapped in the face” and supporting actor Will Smith for doing the slapping at the 94th Annual Academy Awards and Showbiz Suck-N-Fuckathon.
The following is the RNC’s statement, in full.
The RNC has been alarmed and outraged at the amount of hyperbolic outrage and alarm over actor Will Smith slapping comedian Chris Rock. First of all, since when do good, clean, ammo hoarding, red meat eating, gas guzzling, inbred, Christ-fearing American patriots care about black-on-black crime? But okay, let’s say we should care about it other than when we use it to justify not doing anything about gun violence…
From our perspective, it appears that Mr. Smith was attempting to engage in regular, legitimate awards show discourse and the Overly Woke Leftist Lamestream Media just can’t let Americans exercise their right to use their arms to club comedians who make a joke about the woman who cucks you. Any attempts to investigate or litigate this situation are nothing more than a lethal cocktail of Cultural Marxism, Black Lives Matter, Critical Race Theory, Socialism, Communism, Democrats, Darwinism, and The Last Jedi!
Which obviously means they’re bad and should not be undertaken.
We strongly urge all Americans to call the Hollywood switchboard — we assume there’s some central location where you can contact all the Loony Liberals who work there — and demand they leave Will Smith alone! We cannot allow them to fundamentally change this great nation of ours. We’ve always been a country that shoots first, never asks questions, and then victim blames to elide responsibility.
Let us hope that never, ever, changes.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.