Q-Believers Now Say Trump Will Become the 19th President on March 35th, 2235

For weeks, believers in the Q-Anon conspiracy were convinced that former President Donald “Still Wants to Fuck His Own Offspring” Trump would return to power triumphantly on March 4th, 2021. This, after they were convinced for years that Trump would waltz to a second term on the strength of an evangelical electoral uprising, inspired by his crushing of a pedophile cabal run by Democrats in service of Satan himself.

However, last week March 4th came and went, and much like their hopes of overturning the election with a riot on the capitol, Q-Acolytes were left disappointed, but only temporarily.

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“Our new chatter seems to indicate that the real date of President Emperor God King Donaldus Q. Trump I will happen on the 35th of March, in the Year of Our Tangerine Lord 2235,” one poster on 4chan recently wrote. “So that’s where all my eggs are going right now, into that basket. Mark your calendars fam!”

Sidney Powell, the rat faced scarecrow and alleged lawyer that was part of Trump’s legal team pushing the lie that he won and Joe Biden stole the election from him, told OAN this morning that she’s “confident” the new date is the correct one.

“I have it on good authority from Michael Flynn and a bag of crack cocaine I shared with Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene,” Powell indicated. “So yes, I do believe that this new March 35th, 2235 date is the right one, and the only way for us to ensure that Our Lard and Savior ascends to his throne on that date is for you all out there to send him money, made out to, ‘Sidney Powell’s Libel and Defamation Lawsuit Defense Fund.'”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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