Putin Tosses Trump a Treat After G20 Press Conference

WARSAW, POLAND — As temporary President Donald Trump ended his press conference in Poland today, he was seen jumping in the air and grabbing a treat of some kind out of mid-air. Reports are that the treat was tossed to Mr. Trump by none other than Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Trump was in Poland as part of the G20 summit — a meeting of twenty of the most powerful countries in the world. While taking questions from reporters, Trump seemed very unwilling to condemn or cast guilt on Russia for their part in hacking the 2016 U.S. presidential election. Despite 17 different intelligence agencies — a number Trump himself pushed back on while answering questions today — have stated they believe Russia was behind the hacking, Trump demurred.

RELATED: Preparations Underway for President Trump’s First Date With Putin

As reported by Think Progress, Trump was asked point-blank, in a yes or no fashion, if he would definitively say it was Russia who had hacked the election he won. Trump demurred.

Trump was asked: “Will you once and for all, yes or no, say that Russia definitive interfered with the 2016 election.”

He refused to do so, saying that “it could have been other people in other countries.” (source)

Mr. Trump has denied that he or anyone associated with his campaign colluded with Russia, or at the very least he has said repeatedly no evidence of collusion has yet to be discovered. However, he is under criminal obstruction of justice investigation for his firing of FBI Director James Comey after he told Lester Hold of NBC he fired Comey at least in part because of the Russian hacking investigation. Jeff Sessions, Trump’s Attorney General, had recuse himself after he was caught being less than truthful during Senate confirmation hearing testimony in which he stated he had no contacts with Russians during the campaign and it was later discovered he had.

As Trump left the area of the Warsaw press conference, he passed by Putin who was headed to a cafeteria nearby for lunch. Putin reportedly winked at Trump, said something that sounded like, “That’s a good little bitch,” and flipped a treat into the air. Trump looked up, watched the treat fall, and then gobbled it up as he jumped into the air to catch it before it fell the final four inches or so toward his mouth.

“Yummy, thanks Papa Putin,” Trump said, pointing his fingers at Putin like pretend guns.

“Don’t call me that, Donny, my little dumb nesting doll,” Putin said, flipping another snack toward Trump.

“Yes sir, you got it sir,” Trump said, “duly noted sir. Thanks for the second treat, sir.”

RELATED: President Trump Hopeful He’ll Finish Mix Tape For Putin Before He’s Impeached

Speculation was rampant as to what the treats that Putin tossed Trump were made of. Some thought they were tiny morsels of bacon wrapped borscht, others believed them to be chocolates. Those guesses were incorrect, according to Trump.

“What, oh yeah, those treats,” Trump said as he boarded Marine One to be taken to Hamburg, Germany, “they were little freeze-dried bite sized bits of Russian whore piss. My favorite!”

Reached for comment, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI) didn’t seem to have a problem with Putin feeding snacks to the president.

“Every owner has the right to train his pet the way he sees fit,” Ryan said, “now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go hit my delts, pecs, and glues hard, bros!”

Follow us on Twitter @PolitiGarbage.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This