Putin Wants to Compare Tapes With Omarosa

MOSCOW, RUSSIA — There is at least one person who runs the United States of America who is not all that upset with Omarosa Manigault for secretly taping conversations she had with various Trump administration officials and staff — including Chief of Staff John Kelly — and he says he wants to “compare tapes” with her.

“Maybe she’s got some good stuff we don’t,” Russian President Vladimir Putin said this morning at a press conference. “So I’d just like to encourage Omarosa to book a flight to Russia, as soon as possible, so we can compare tapes.”

Putin thinks he is “in possession of the better, more piss-filled” tape that concerns Trump, but he’d still “love to see what Omarosa knows” too.

“I mean, I’ve got some good stuff. Some really, really good stuff,” Putin laughed. “But maybe Omarosa got him to admit that he’s not a billionaire, or that he thinks Ivanka’s looks have been slipping as she approaches 40. I want to find out what she got.”

Ms. Manigault has been making the media circuit rounds, promoting her new book, “Unhinged.”

Before her departure from the White House earlier this year, Omarosa — who met Trump as a contestant during the first season of his NBC reality-TV show “The Apprentice” — was seen as one of the president’s loudest supporters. However, shortly after Kelly took over the chief of staff role, Manigault was out, and one of the tapes she played this weekend was made during her firing in the Situation Room, the very same room President Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and others watched the assault on Osama bin Laden’s compound from.

“Omarosa has balls of steel, risking national security to make those recordings,” Putin said. “Hell, I own the fat orange sack of shit outright, and I still had to wait months to get a private, one one meeting with him, let alone get more tapes of him. Then again, I’ve got all the tapes I need of that man already, don’t I?”

Manigault has not responded to Mr. Putin’s invitation as of the time of publication. The White House did not comment on this story.

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James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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