Pregnant Democrat Still Undecided Whether to Murder or Groom Her Fetus

She has some time to decide, but not all that much time, and 28 year old Kim Erickson recently told us in a Skype interview that she will make her decision by the end of next week.

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Kim is pregnant. As a Democrat, she knows that she only has two options for the fetus gestating inside her uterus. Either she must murder it, or she must birth it and allow it to be groomed into The Soros Transgender Illegal Immigrant Army.

She knows she only has those two options because Kim lives in a small town that only carries Fox News and OANN. Last year, her town council voted along party lines to only allow Marjorie Taylor Greene’s social media posts to be viewed by residents.

“According to that screeching horse lady, who I can only presume is some kind of political science genius, or whatever, Democrats both want to murder their children, but also want them to become victims of sexual abuse,” Kim explained. “While I’m not totally sure how that squares itself, I gotta go with the information that I have in front of me, so I presume that she’s telling the truth. Which means I’m in a conundrum – murder or grooming.”

Deep down, Kim told us, she doesn’t actually want to choose to either murder her fetus, or to allow to be groomed once it’s born. Instead, she’d like to raise it and love it her whole life. However, Kim’s “never been a troublemaker,” and she doesn’t want to cause any commotion.

“So, if it’s true that we Democrats only want to murder fetuses or let them be groomed, I guess I have to choose between those two options, and that’s it,” Kim said with a sigh. “So, we’re currently looking into where the nearest Planned Parenthood is, and how much it would cost to relocate to Matt Gaetz’ neighborhood, in case we go the grooming route.”

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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