POLL: Most Americans Unsure About Late-Term Abortion Unless The Fetus Is A Trump

In a new poll, released by CNN/We Poll You So Good shows that a majority of Americans are uneasy about the concept of late-term abortion. However, in an interesting and unforeseen twist, by nearly the same margin, Americans are okay with it if the fetus in question is related to 2016 presidential candidate and alleged billionaire Donald J. Trump. The poll, taken during October of 2016 and conducted by calling participants on both landlines and cell phones, showed that while 70% of Americans aren’t sure they support an abortion in the third trimester of a pregnancy, 68% are okay with a Trump pregnancy being terminated “whenever.”

In Which Of These Situations Should An Abortion Be Safe and Legal:

First Trimester Second Trimester Third Trimester Whenever
Woman’s Reproductive Autonomy 65% 52% 30% 2%
Major Genetic Defect/Health & Safety Of Mother 72% 63% 42% 8%
Trump Spawn 95% 90% 80% 68%

(Participants could choose more than one answer)

The issue of abortion hasn’t been one that has served as a major story line in this year’s election. During the Republican primary process, former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina tried to run as a female candidate opposed to abortion, even going so far as to falsely claim she saw scenes in the infamous doctored Planned Parenthood videos released by an anti-abortion right-wing group. However, since Fiorina’s exit from the race, the most female genitalia has been discussed has been when the Republican nominee has discussed his favorite times and methodologies for grabbing them.

The poll also shed some light on the impact of FBI Director James Comey announcing that new emails had been found on Clinton aide Huma Abedin’s laptop. Even though the emails reportedly may never have come to or from Ms. Clinton, Comey said they could be pertinent to the investigation into Ms. Clinton’s private email server. Earlier this summer, Comey had made waves when he announced that the FBI would not be recommending any criminal charges against Clinton, who used the server during her time as Secretary of State.

Should We Elect A Transparent Bag Of Orange Diarrhea Since The FBI May Or May Not Have Found Emails That Matter?

“I’m stupid, so yes.” 12%
“I’m racist, so yes.” 18%
“I hate Mexicans, so yes.” 10%
“Gays are too uppity, so yes.” 5%
“No. Of fucking course not, he’s a horrible human being who shouldn’t be left to manage a lemonade stand.” 55%

Donald Trump could not be reached for his comment. His campaign told our reporter the reality-TV star was at the dry cleaners picking up his “best, crisp, white linen sheets.” With just a matter of days left before Election Day, current polling shows a tight race, with Clinton leading in key battleground states. Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight algorithm currently gives Clinton a near 70% chance of winning.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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