POLL: 4 out of 5 Dead Iraq War Vets ‘Don’t Give A S**t’ About Dick Cheney’s Opinion on Iran Nuke Deal

With the historic breakthrough deal signed between Iran and six of the most powerful countries in the world, many in the international community are breathing a huge sigh of relief. The deal ensures that for the next decade there will be verifiable evidence that Iran is not seeking to enrich materials that will lead to a nuclear bomb being produced. It’s the largest thawing of relations between the United States and Iran in over three decades, and many are hopeful it signals the beginning of a new era for the region.

Former Vice-President Dick Cheney, however, is among the chorus of conservative, hawkish Republicans who are against the deal, and he told Fox News’ Sean Hannity as such on Hannity’s show this week. Cheney told Hannity the nuclear deal “will, in fact, put us closer to the actual use of nuclear weapons than we’ve been at any time since Hiroshima and Nagasaki in World War II.” Cheney further told Hannity that “our allies who find their very survival at question here” won’t be able to “rely upon Barack Obama for safety and security.”

While Hannity and many conservatives likely consider Cheney to be the subject matter expert when it comes to wars both legal and mostly illegal, a recent poll conducted by The Political Garbage Chute in partnership with Polls Upside Your Head, a polling company based in Kenosha, Wisconsin, shows that at least one demographic isn’t even interested in Cheney’s opinion on war in the first place. Over 4,000 deceased Iraq War vets were polled and 80% said they don’t find Cheney’s opinion on war very relevant.

The dead Iraq War vets were asked two questions in the poll, and were given a handful of options to answer each with. Below are the results of each poll question.

1. How much a shit do you give about Dick Cheney’s opinions on the Iran nuclear deal?

  1.  Vice-President Cheney is clearly a tactical and military genius — I give a huge shit. (2%)
  2. Vice-President Cheney is kind of not reliable, but I’ll hear him out — I give a medium-sized shit. (3%)
  3. Vice-President Cheney isn’t very trustworthy. — I give a very small, microscopic shit. (15%)
  4. Fuck Dick Cheney and his lying, war mongering opinions on anything. — I don’t give a shit. (80%)

2. How many fucks do you give about Dick Cheney’s opinion on warfare in general?

  1.  Vice-President Cheney started the most justified war ever based on the most reliable intelligence ever — I give all the fucks. (1%)
  2. Vice-President Cheney probably exaggerated about some stuff and I don’t know how much I trust him — I give a modest amount of fucks. (9%)
  3. Vice-President Cheney pretty much lied a lot and doesn’t seem very sorry about it — I give maybe a handful of fucks. (5%)
  4. Vice-President Cheney belongs behind bars for not only our deaths, but the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, he is a disgusting pig of a human being who probably shouldn’t get to sleep much at night, much less be so filthy goddamned rich. He’s a foul, contemptible asshole that sacrificed all of us for the sake of money and pride — I give zero fucks. (85%)

Former VP Cheney couldn’t be reached for comment in his throne room on the Death Star at the time this story was published.


James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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