Pence Told Reporters He’s Been ‘Poked By Enough Guys’ Before Not to Be Nervous About Coronavirus Vaccine

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, wearing a short-sleeved, plaid print button-up shirt, outgoing Vice President Mike Pence received a dose of a coronavirus vaccine.

Pence took the vaccine dose in an effort to encourage other Americans to get one when it becomes available to them. Over the course of the last couple of weeks, vaccines from Moderna and Pfizer have been given rush approval from the FDA. Many consider it a triumph of modern medicine and science that a vaccine, let alone multiples, were developed in such a short time. Pence was asked if he was nervous or anxious before getting the shot.

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“No, not even in the slightest,” Pence said. “For starters, these vaccines were developed as a direct result of our Dear President, the man whose buttcheeks I am so grateful to have spent many hours in such close proximity to over these past four years, literally telling the pharmaceutical companies that they should look into this new thing called vaccines. So under his strong leadership, this vaccine came about.”

Pence stopped as he watched the doctor preparing his dose.

“Besides, more the point, I’m not nervous about getting this shot because I’m a big boy,” Pence said. “Mother reminded me I’m a big boy today, and that big boys who get their shots get ice cream afterwards.”

Even if the ice cream reward from his wife, Mother, wasn’t in play, Pence says he still would not have had a “shred of doubt or worry” about getting the vaccine administered.

“The simple truth is that I have been poked by enough guys before to not be worried about this time,” Pence said, motioning toward the doctor about to give him the shot, “and this guy is one of the most handsome ones ever. So talk about a win-win. Wait. What was I saying?”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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