WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice-President Mike Pence told attendees at a prayer breakfast this morning that he believes he’s come up with a suitable solution for how to construct the massive wall on our southern border with Mexico, and that it shouldn’t cost U.S. taxpayers — or even Mexico — a dime.
“The logistics of the co-presidents’ border wall have admittedly been a bit of a nightmare for us to figure out,” Pence told an audience of about forty members of the First Washington Christian Church this morning, “but last night my team and I, we think, cracked the case.”
Pence then told the attendees that he wants to have the wall of separation between church and state that’s implied in the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights contained within the U.S. Constitution dismantled. Then, he says that “piece by piece, brick by brick” the wall be reconstructed at the southern border.
“If it could keep us from turning our country into full-bore theocracy for 240 years,” Pence insisted, “that wall can definitely keep some illegal slaves, I think Dr. Ben Carson calls them, from hopping across our border from Mexico. And sure, as a natural byproduct of this move, we can ram some more Jesus into our government. Talk about a win-win, huh?”
The vice-president said that in his mind, so much time has passed, and times have changed so much, that separating church and state “just isn’t as vital or important to the Republic as it once was.”
“I mean, ask yourself,” Pence said, “240 years later do we really need a legal separation between church and state, or can we just use the Honor System instead? C’mon, we’re not talking about access to firearms here! We’re talking about preventing our government from just become a natural extension of a religious organization.”
Later in the day, a reporter asked Pence as he was going back into his office at the White House if he thought he was really upholding Christian values, or if he saw any irony in relation to Christian values in his proposal.
“No, I don’t see any irony in making our country more like a theocracy while simultaneously ignoring the very Christian principles I claim this country was founded on, like taking care of the poor and those that have the least among you, so shut up, jerk-mouth.”
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