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Trump Releases DNA Test Showing He’s 99.9% Diarrhea and Racism
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Just hours after Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) released results of a DNA test that showed she does indeed have Cherokee heritage,...
Amazon Working On Rectal Recognition Software So You Always Know Who Dealt It
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SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced today that his company has begun developing a new technology, based on...
Obama Can’t Guarantee He Never Heard N-Word
SECRET SHARIA BUNKER, SOMEWHERE IN KENYA -- Deep within his specially designed Sharia Bunker, former President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) issued a statement regarding...
Trump Says Mexico Will Pay For His Wall By Funding His New Space Force
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While there has been much buzz and speculation about the Trump administration's proposed Space Force, what no one on the Hill...
Trump Backtracks Backtrack: “I Meant To Say I Saw No Reason It Would Wouldn’t...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the second time in as many days, President Donald Trump backtracked on a statement he made regarding Russia's culpability for...
On Call With Merkel, Trump Brings Up Taxation Without Representation
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House announced today that it will be going over their world history flashcards with President Donald Trump after two...
Totally Not Racist President Really Glad NFL Anthem Policy Will Hold Black People To...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump told reporters from various right-wing news outlets today that he was "bigly pleased" to see the new pregame national...
Trump Says Michael Cohen Is His Lawyer Sometimes, But Was Never His Attorney
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump's former personal attorney -- a man Trump himself referred to as his "fixer" -- has reportedly reached a plea...
Betsy DeVos Wants Sixth Grade Science Textbooks Replaced With The New Testament
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Department of Education, under direction from Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, will be rolling out several key changes to America's school...
Trump Says Undocumented Mexicans Coming Here To Take Advantage Of The Homestead Act
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In 1862, President Abraham Lincoln signed into the law the first of the Homestead Acts. In doing so, Lincoln established a...
