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Trump Says His Response to Coronavirus Would Have Been Less Incompetent if the Press...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During a recent White House press briefing on his administration's response to the COVID-19 pandemic outbreak, President Donald Trump took time...
Trump Calls Continued Wall Street Coronavirus Bailouts ‘Free Market Socialism’
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At publication, the Dow Jones Industrial Average was up just over 30 points for a gain of just .16% over yesterday's...
CDC Reminder: Also Sanitize Your Butt Plugs When There’s No Pandemic
ATLANTA, GEORGIA --Authorities at the Centers for Disease Control have issued a new statement to Americans, urging them to sanitize their butt plugs to...
Officials Fear Major Canadian Comedian Import Deficit If Northern Border Remains Closed
HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- If the border between the United States and Canada remains closed for too long, officials fear there could be a major...
Eric Trump Caught Trying to Cheat Off Brother’s Coronavirus Test
NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Sources close to the situation are reporting that Eric Trump, son of President Donald Trump was just caught trying...
Trump Says President of Puerto Rico Was Wrong to Call Coronavirus a ‘Hoax’
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, a somber President Donald Trump implored the American people to take a fifteen day timeout from their normal routine, and...
American Cancer Assures Public He’s Still Focused on Stopping Spread of “Chinese Virus”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States -- an American cancer in an ill-fitting suit -- gave an update to the American...
CDC Wants Trump Supporters to Stop Sharing Hoods
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In what has been one of the busiest and most critical times in its existence, the Centers for Disease Control has...
Trump Campaign Suspends Future Klan Rallies Out of Coronavirus Concerns
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump's re-election campaign has announced it is suspending all of its future klan rallies out of an abundance of...
Trump Asks Ukraine to Investigate Coronavirus for Corruption
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has called the President of Ukraine over the weekend and demanded that someone he sees as a direct...
