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Trump Tells Gaetz and Nunes to Put On Masks and Gloves Before Licking His...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When Congressmen Matt Gaetz (R-Floriduh) and Devin Nunes (R-Stupid as Fuck) arrive at the White House this weekend for what the...
Trump Wants To Bring Supporters Into COVID-19 Briefings Because ‘They’re Pretty Much Rallies Anyway’
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- White House Press Lush Stephanie Grisham is, allegedly, also President Donald Trump's press secretary. One might understand not knowing this fact,...
Trump: Governors Who Give Him State’s Electoral College Votes Get ‘Anything They Need’ to...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump told America's governors on a conference call today that if they promise to award him their state's Electoral...
Kellyanne Conway: “The Trump Economy Can Easily Handle 6.6 Million Americans Filing for Alternative...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, President Donald Trump tried to brace the nation for what he and his coronavirus response task force believe will be...
Trump: “What Was I Supposed To Do? Golf, Defend Myself From Impeachment, AND Keep...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- An angry President Trump once again lashed out at congressional Democrats as a defense against accusations that his administration has not...
Jesus Christ: “Dude, What The Fuck’s Up With The MyPillow Guy?”
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This week, Jesus Hubert Christ was overheard talking to his coworkers and colleagues in the heavenly break room while...
Trump Blames Democrats for Impeaching Him Instead of Coronavirus
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump and his most vocal supporters in the media have started to launch a new line of defense of...
Coronavirus Update: Trump Officially Moves Easter to June 5th
WASHINGTON, D.C -- This weekend, President Donald J. Trump extended the federal stay-at-home guidelines for combating the pandemic spread of the novel coronavirus until...
Gwyneth Paltrow and David Avocado Wolfe Appointed to Coronavirus Response Team
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though his administration is telling Americans that the coronavirus has been "contained" in the United States, President Donald Trump is still...
Trump Brags That Obama ‘Could Never Have as Many COVIDs’ As He Has
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is still attempting to guide the country through a pandemic outbreak of COVID-19, or the "novel coronavirus," as...
