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Experts Warn: U.S. Economy Now as Depressed By Trump as Americans Are

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The April 2020 jobs report is in, and it's an absolute blood bath, which has many financial experts sounding the alarm this morning. The US...

President Says Special Kool-Aid Will Protect Americans Returning to Work Without COVID-19 Vaccine

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's not a secret that President Trump and many of his allies in Congress are desperate for states to end their...

President Promises Americans ‘The Trump Steak of Coronavirus Vaccines’

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald J. Trump told the American people today that they can "count on" him to deliver a successful COVID-19 vaccine...

Trump University Med School Invents Breakthrough COVID-19 Vaccine Made From “Serpentine Grease”

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NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The entire country, indeed the entire world's population, is desperate for a COVID-19 vaccine. As the planet grapples with...

Trump Pledges 10,000 Flotation Devices to ‘Help the Mexicans Survive’ Cinco de Mayo

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A perhaps confused President Trump began his day this morning by making what he later told aides he felt was a...

Trump Calls William Shatner to Wish Him Happy May The 4th

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, fans of the iconic film franchise Star Wars are celebrating the legacy of a movie series that spawned billions of dollars in...

Lincoln’s Ghost Offers to Take Trump on Tour of Ford’s Theater

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When President Donald J. Trump told Fox News host Martha MacCallum that in his estimation he's been treated worse than another...

Roger Stone Wants Conjugal Visits With Trump’s Ass

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WASHINGTON, D.C -- Last month, Federal District Judge Amy Berman Jackson sentenced Roger Stone, a longtime political associate of President Donald Trump, to just...

Trump Reassures First Lady Coronavirus Is Not Sexually Transmitted

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This afternoon, the president held a press event in the White House, touting his administration's plan to get re-open the American...

Mike Pence Asks Heaven If Jesus Could Join Coronavirus Response Team

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, the Executive Vice President of Trinity, Inc., held his weekly press conference before the Pearly Gates...