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Ben Shapiro Announces That Scott Baio and Gina Carano Will Star in “Washed-Up Star...

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HOLLYWOOB, CALIFORNIA -- It didn't take long for embattled alleged actress Gina Carano to find an employer. This week, Carano was officially released by...

Lindsey Graham Insists Conviction in Second Impeachment Won’t Remove Him From Trump’s Rectum

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Lindsey Graham, speaking to reporters this morning just hours before the second impeachment trial of Former President Donald J. Trump...

Mitch McConnell Buys Aunt Jemima Syrup But Puts the Bottle in the Back of...

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was recently spotted out and about the suburbs of the nation's capital, shopping for groceries. McConnell,...

Newly Discovered Life on Venus Declines Offer to Be Taken to Our Leader

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BLEEPBLORP, VENUS -- 2020 has been quite a year. "One for the record books," as one might be inclined to say. An impeachment trial....

Emperor Palpatine Defends Attorney General Vader’s Use of Stormtroopers in Portland

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CORUSCANT -- As protests mount throughout the galaxy, Emperor Sheev Palpatine has maintained a public tone of righteousness and self-assurance. The protests have begun...

Biden Commits to Unveiling Trump Presidential Portrait in Nearby Landfill

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Former Vice President Joe Biden announced today that if he wins the election this fall, he will "put petty partisan politics aside" and participate...

Eric Trump Says Mail-In Ballots ‘Unfairly Silence’ Women Voters

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NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Despite the fact that he is a mail-in voter himself, President Donald Trump has started a sort of crusade...

White House Admits It’s Been Feeding Trump Cheeseburgers and Calling Them Hydroxychloroquine

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, President Trump dropped quite a bombshell on the American people. After holding a roundtable discussion with business leaders on the...

Poll: Majority of Americans Hope Taking Hydroxychloroquine is the One Thing Trump Doesn’t Lie...

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In one of the fasted conducted public opinion polls in human history, it's been revealed that nearly eight in every ten Americans -- with...

President Says Americans Should Trust His Coronavirus Leadership Because of His Medical Degree from...

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump held his diploma from Trump University in one hand and showed it to the reporters gathered outside the...