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DeSantis Politely Asked Neo-Nazi to Step Aside So He Could Scold Students Wearing Masks
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Yesterday, Sunshine State Governor and 2021's Donald Trump Impersonator of the Year recipient Ron DeSantis was appearing at a photo op...
D.C. Sewage Plant Apologizes For Letting Two Turds Escape During Biden’s State of the...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At some point in the past, two turds escaped from a sewage treatment plant in the nation's capital, and wound-up attending...
Sexual Predator Poised to Give Rapists More Parental Rights
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh, one of America's most famous and successful sexual predators, finds himself in quite a unique position....
Pro-Life Baker Devastated When Open Bag of Flour Spills and Aborts His Cake
SCHLAFLY RIVER, TEXAS-- 56-year-old Kellen Masteroni has been a baker in his small Texas town for most of his adult life. He began working...
Amazon Starts Same-Day Coat Hanger Deliveries to All Texas Counties
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Retail monolith Amazon is adding a new service to certain states in America that will deliver specialized items the same day...
Stupid Fuck Rants In Front of Crowd of Stupid Fucks From Ohio
WELLINGTON, OHIO -- One of his staffers called it a "return to his former stupidity-laced glory." Another said it was a "chance to show...
Greene Spent Easter Sunday Worshiping Her Savior and His Son, Donald Trump Jr.
Marjorie Taylor Greene spent her Easter Sunday worshiping her lord and savior like so many other right-wing American Christians did.
Al Franken Offers to Fill-In for Gaetz While He Figures Out That Whole Sex...
MINNESOTA -- Former Senator Al Franken is reportedly open to taking over embattled Florida Republican Matt Gaetz' congressional seat until his impending legal troubles...
Biden Directs Space Force to Stop Its ‘McDonald’s on the Moon’ Program
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Space Force will no longer be developing a plan to install a McDonald's fast food franchise on Earth's moon. This new...
United Airlines Ending Its Frequent Fuckface Miles Program
United Airlines has announced that after careful consideration of the events of the past 48 hours they will be ending their Frequent Fuckface Miles...
