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McConnell Blames OJ For His Ex-Wife’s Multiple Stab Wounds, Says He’s Would Have Voted...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Q-Moscow) weighed in on yet another important legal case in American history this morning, telling reporters...
McConnell Blames Arsonist for Torched Building, Says He’s Not Guilty
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was out, taking a stroll around his block when found himself face-to-face with a...
McConnell: “Nobody’s Above the Law Except for D-List Reality TV Game Show Hosts”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Moscow) asserted as clearly and plainly as he could this morning that he doesn't think it's...
McConnell Implores Schumer Not to Wield Power Unapologetically Like He Does
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the last decade or so, Mitch McConnell ran the Senate. He did so with such a lust and zeal for...
Georgia Runoff Defeats Break Ancient Spell and McConnell’s Dick Turns Back Into Lump of...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It happened with a sort of "cracking" sound, witnesses say. Then, as the crack subsided, a puff of black smoke emitted...
McConnell: “Every Administration is Entitled to Attempting a Post-Election Coup”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Republicans are having a really hard time coping with Donald Trump's loss to Joe Biden. In a recent survey conducted by The...
Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present, Future Confirm McConnell Has No Soul to Save
"Quite frankly, I'd rather take a shot at saving Satan himself," the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come told us at one point during...
McConnell: “Maybe I’m a Wrinkly Fuckstick Traitor. But That Doesn’t Mean Trump Shouldn’t Contest...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a moment of unforeseen and rare candor, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell admitted that he is a "wrinkly fuckstick traitor,"...
McConnell: “I’ve Always Been Very Consistent With Supreme Court Nominations. From White Republicans.”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For eight years, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was a constant thorn in President Barack Obama's side. McConnell wielded his minority...
Biden Offers to Let Obama Have First SCOTUS Pick as a “McConnell Mulligan”
Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee and former Vice President Joe Biden has, by all accounts, quite a strong relationship with his former boss. The bond...
