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Lahren Will Be On Super Bowl LII Field Before Kickoff, Holding Gun To Players’...

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Are you ready for some forced nationalissssssssssssssmmmmmmmm?!

Fox Sending Tomi Lahren To North Korea To Ask Kim Jong Un For Tips...

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Fox News is shipping its most plucky and screech-a-rific contributor to North Korea so she can pick Un's brain about despotic patriotism.

Black Man Tying Shoes Sends Tammy Lahren Into Rage-Induced Coma

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DULLARD, TEXAS -- Representatives for right-wing firebrand conservative commentator Tabasco Lahren are confirming at the time of publication that she is in stable condition,...

Tomi Lahren Wants NASA To Rename Black Holes Because ‘All Holes Matter’

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VAPID VALLEY, TEXAS -- Conservative right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributor Tributary Lahren told a radio host today that she was about to...

T-Bone Lahren Wants President of Carolinas To Forbid Sale Of Panthers To P-Diddy

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SIN CEREBRO, TEXAS -- Timpani Lahren, the feisty blonde conservative commentator and Fox News screeching racist magpie, went on a verbal rampage during a...

Tilapia Lahren Wants NASA To Rename Black Holes Because ‘All Holes Matter’

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"We all know that black holes are no different than the KKK."

Tubetop Lahren Sees White Athlete Kneel During National Anthem, Head Literally Explodes

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"Don't they understand it's only going to encourage these uppity urbans to do this more?"

Company Recalls Tammy Lahren Sex Doll Because Its Mouth Never Stops Moving

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"Your doll can only bite so many rednecks' dicks off before you have to do something about it."

Tomi Lahren Says American Flag G-String Shows ‘Patriotism and Respect’ When It Goes Up...

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"The fact is that when this material rests up against my clenched, angry, racist asshole it literally screams patriotism and respect."