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CDC Recommends Americans Quarantine Themselves From President Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Centers for Disease Control issued new guidance this morning, urging Americans to quarantine themselves from a virus they say "is...
Coronavirus Qurantines Itself From Ted Cruz
TEXAS -- A spokesperson for the novel coronavirus issued a statement this morning announcing that her client had decided to self-quarantine from Sen. Ted...
Papa John’s Unveils New “Deep Dish Deep State Pizza”
Flagging sales inspire a new "pizza" variety.
Kushner, Ivanka, Donald Jr, and Eric Trump Condemn Bidens’ Nepotism
In a joint letter from some of President Donald J. Trump's offspring and son-in-law, the "sheer and galling level of nepotism" involved in Hunter...
Trump Orders Space Force to Investigate Allegations of Biden’s Neptune-ism
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though it's officially a branch of the U.S. Armed Forces, President Donald Trump's first assignment for his Space Force is one...
Iran Says Chick-Fil-A, WalMart, and Slave Plantations Are American Targets of Cultural Value
U.S. President Donald J. Trump made headlines and raised a serious number of eyebrows when he implied that American bombs could possibly target 52...
Iran Names Chick-Fil-A, WalMart, and Slave Plantations as Targets of Cultural Value in WW3
U.S. President Donald J. Trump made headlines and raised a serious number of eyebrows when he implied that American bombs could possibly target 52...
Barack Obama and Merrick Garland Not Buying Mitch McConnell’s Bullshit
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former President Barack Obama and Federal Judge Merrick Garland have released a statement, following Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's speech on...
Collins: “Unlike Benghazi, Obama’s Birth Certificate, and The Tan Suit, This Impeachment Is Purely...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Doug Collins (R-Trump's Rectal Cavity) told reporters on the Hill today that in his view House Democrats are impeaching President...
Titanically Stupid Moron Spends His Precious Time as Dipshit in Chief Live-Tweeting His Own...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States is perhaps the most powerful and important elected office in human history. The current President...
