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Ted Cruz: “We Can’t Do Something About Gun Violence Until We’re Done Doing Nothing”
Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX) doesn't want to do anything about gun violence until the country is done doing nothing about it first.
Ted Cruz Says If D.C. Gets Statehood, Mar-A-Lago Should Too
"If they're gonna give all those, you know, URBANS, two more senators, it's only fair we get two more ourselves."
Poll: 90% of Americans Support Inventing Time Travel to Convince Ted Cruz’s Mom to...
"In this country, you can't get this kind of agreement on the wetness of water."
Ted Cruz’s Ugly Wife Confirms Gender Neutral Potato Head and Her Husband Will Still...
Heidi Cruz, the ugly as sin wife of Sen. Ted Cruz, confirmed for reporters today that after Hasbro makes the iconic "Mr. Potato Head"...
Surgeon General Recommends Shitting on Ted Cruz Twice Daily
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The acting Surgeon General of the United States has issued a new set of guidelines for the continued health and well-being...
Mexico Offers to Pay to Send Ted Cruz Back to Canada
MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- While residents of his home state of Texas struggle to keep warm among a crisis of energy production and climate...
Former President Says His Balls are ‘Really Bigly Missing’ Devin Nunes and Ted Cruz...
LAKE DUMFUK, FLORIDA -- He hasn't even been out of power for a full month yet, but sources close to the 45th President of...
Ted Cruz: “Maybe We Deserved to Be Insurrected.”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Ted Cruz (R-MAGAstan) played a key role in hyping up the Big Lie told by the former president of the...
Man Finds Ted Cruz Drowning and Throws Him a Cement Life Preserver
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While it's not clear at this time exactly why Senator Ted Cruz went for a swim in the Potomac river last...
Man Finds Ted Cruz Drowning and Throws Him a Cement Life Preserver
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While it's not clear at this time exactly why Senator Ted Cruz went for a swim in the Potomac river last...
