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Texas: Shooting Self in Dick Surpasses Covid-19 Deaths for First Time Since 2019
AUSTIN, TEXAS -- Republicans in the Lonestar State are crowing quite loudly this morning over a report on deaths from COVID-19. According to new...
Stefanik Faces Surprise Challenge from Trump’s Dong for Conference Chair
"We'd only be affirming what everybody already knows is true." - House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA)
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When they shoved Rep. Liz...
McCarthy: “With Liz Cheney and the Truth Out of the Way, We Can Finally...
"Our fallen king showed us for nearly half a decade how strong our party can be if we simply ignore reality and create a...
Tinder Starts Parlr, a Dating Service for Morons
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Tinder has become one of the leading and most popular dating apps available to people looking to find romance...
One Had Well Done Steak, The Other Had Trump Dick
It was a night one of them would never forget, and that was forgotten as soon as the other one got back to his...
Republican Unsure If “The Big Lie” is Stolen Elections, Trickle Down Economics, or Iraq’s...
MENDA CITY, IOWA -- Everybody on the news keeps talking about "The Big Lie," and 53-year-old Republican Scott Palumbo is a little confused by that.
"Are...
Ann Coulter Still Hopes to Win Triple Crown Next Year
One horse in particular is quite sad this morning.
"I don't know, at my age it's starting to feel like my best days are behind...
Musk Asked SNL to Bring on Babylon Bee Writers So Show Can Be One,...
NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- If billionaires are known for anything, it's their natural charm, charisma, and comedic timing. Hence, it makes complete sense...
McConnell: “We Didn’t Pack the Court, We Changed the Rules to Force More Conservatives...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Constitution and Mitch McConnell were often at odds during his tenure as Senate Majority Leader. In particular, McConnell and the...
FDA Says Covid Vaccine Won’t Protect You From Getting Shitty Haircuts
"This also probably means the vaccine won't prevent douchebaggery."
