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We Asked These 2016 Presidential Candidates What They Wanted for Christmas
Find out what your favorite candidate wants for Christmas here!
Marco Rubio: I Would Bomb More Children Than Cruz
Marco Rubio tells a rally crowd he'd bomb way more kids than Ted Cruz.
Cruz Makes Sesame Street Campaign Stop to Get Refresher On Counting to 5
After his Rick Perry-esque adventure in miscounting, Ted Cruz made an unscheduled, emergency campaign stop.
Cruz and Paul Defend Kim Davis, Because They’re ‘A-Holes Extraordinaire’
Rand Paul and Ted Cruz both think Kim Davis should be allowed to discriminate based on her own religious views, because they're not bigoted at all.
Fox News Announces ‘B-Team’ Debate, Moderated by Inanimate Rock
Fox News has announced plans for a second, B-team debate of Republican contenders.
Santorum, Carson, Huckabee, Cruz Plan Debate to Settle ‘Who Here Thinks About Gay Sex...
Campaign staffers from Rick Santorum 2016, Ben Carson 2016, Mike Huckabee 2016, and Ted Cruz 2016 are all confirming that a debate between their...
Country That Spent $6T Killing People Sad It Wasted $125B Trying to Help People
Nothing irks some Americans more than government government waste. Spending $6T to kill people is fine, but accidentally spending less than 5% of that is not cool.
GOP Senators Want to Frack Dwarf Planet Ceres Now That NASA Has Orbited It
NASA has orbited a dwarf planet, which means two Republicans are ready to claim the planet for America and to plunder it for whatever resources it holds.
Doughy Senator Defends White Supremacist’s Right to Mock Women Who Could Kick Their Asses
Ted Cruz wants to know why military officials would defend their own instead of letting Tucker Carlson bash them.
5 Other Benghazi Distractions
Ted Cruz thinks Syria is a distraction from Benghazi, and so are these five other things.
