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Is Your Junk Sounding and/or Looking a Lot Like Ted Cruz? You Might Have...
A tale as old as time -- sexually transmitted diseases.
Let's face it, if you have human genitals, and you like rubbing said human genitals...
Scientists Unable to Predict if Ted Cruz Can Evolve Past Booger-Eating Fascist Stage
To say that Ted Cruz's political career is unique would be an understatement, given that he is -- at least as far as anyone...
Data Suggests Literally Nobody Gives a Fuck What Ted Cruz Thinks About Anything
Does anybody in America actually give a fuck what Senator Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) thinks about any given subject? New data seems to suggest not...
New Petition Asks Jeff Bezos to Take Donald Trump and Ted Cruz into Space...
Jeff Bezos, founder and CEO of Amazon, announced recently that he plans to be on the first ship built by Blue Origin -- a...
Fauci: It’s ‘Entirely Possible’ Ted Cruz Leaked From a Lab or Trump’s Rectum
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Dr. Anthony Fauci finally laid to rest some questions he's been repeatedly hounded by reporters and Republican members of Congress to...
South Carolina Lets Death Row Inmates Choose Execution by Spending Five Minutes With Ted...
COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA -- In the Palmetto State, it's become quite difficult for authorities to execute inmates on death row. Anti-capital punishment advocates successfully...
Facebook Rolls Out Middle Finger Reaction for Ted Cruz’s Posts
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Facebook will add a brand new feature over the next few weeks that management hopes will "enhance and enrich"...
Ted Cruz Fell Asleep During Biden’s Speech and Had a Nightmare That People Actually...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During President Joe Biden's first joint address to Congress last night, nobody expected elected Republicans to like much of what the...
Ted Cruz Never Would’ve Taken Corporate Campaign Donations If He Knew The Companies Were...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX) told Fox News this morning that he's "alarmed and quite frankly incensed" at the growing number of...
Reporter Asks Ted Cruz to Either Put a Mask Over His Face or a...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX) was asked by a reporter last night to either put a mask over his face while addressing...
