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Jesus Gives Permission to MAGA to Worship Trump Instead

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity, Inc., told reporters today that he and his father have decided...

Jesus Says It’s Okay to Pray That Trump Dies Before 2024

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Americans who find themselves praying that former President Donald J. Trump dies before he can run for re-enter the...

Jesus Says Lil Nas X Can Grind on Him in His Next Video as...

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, the son of Larry "God" Schumway and VP of Sales and Marketing at Holy Trinity Inc.,...

Jesus H. Christ: “Joel Osteen is a Disgusting Capitalist Fuck Giblet”

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Larry "God" Schumway and Vice President of Holy Trinity, Inc., did not mince any words today. "Joel...

COVID-19 Forces Jesus to Delay Second Coming

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Concerns about the ongoing COVID-19 outbreak, particularly in the United States' "Bible Belt," have forced Jesus Hubert Christ to...

Mike Pence Asks Heaven If Jesus Could Join Coronavirus Response Team

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, the Executive Vice President of Trinity, Inc., held his weekly press conference before the Pearly Gates...

Jesus Still Doesn’t Know Why Everyone Calls the Day He Was Executed “Good Friday”

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- A visibly annoyed Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Larry "God" Schumway, told a gaggle of heavenly reporters this morning...

Jesus Sees Image of Potato Chip in Bathroom Mirror

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This weekend, Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Trinity, Inc's CEO Larry "God" Schumway, was brushing his holy teeth, and...

Jesus Christ: “Dude, What The Fuck’s Up With The MyPillow Guy?”

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This week, Jesus Hubert Christ was overheard talking to his coworkers and colleagues in the heavenly break room while...

Jesus: “It’s Cute When Christians Think Bernie’s Too Socialist”

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning during a heavenly press conference, Jesus Hubert "Son of God" Christ says his cell phone has been...