Jesus Gives Permission to MAGA to Worship Trump Instead

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity, Inc., told reporters today that he and his father have decided to give members of the MAGA movement what he called...

Jesus Gives Permission to MAGA to Worship Trump Instead

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity, Inc., told reporters today that he and his father have decided...

Boebert Demands Update from Biden White House on Windmill Cancer Vaccine

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During an interview on NewsmaxTV, Rep. Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) demanded that the White House provide an "immediate and urgent update" on...

Amazon Delivered Crates of Crayons to Mar-A-Lago for Trump to Write Memoir

FAR-TA-LAGO, FLORIDA -- Sources close to the situation in Florida are telling us that this past weekend, several dozen crates of crayons were delivered...

Substack Debuts Adult Content Section Featuring Greenwald Sucking His Own Dick

"Of course, he'll have to probably have to go on Tucker's show and suck him off less, but he's free to play footsie with...
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God and Stuff

Economy

MAGAmerica

He Owns the Libs by Refusing to Wear a Seatbelt or Get Covid Vaccine

"It just makes me feel good to do dumb shit to trigger people smarter than me." LAKE STUPID, FLORIDA -- In a new op-ed featured...

Super Pro-American MAGA Patriot Rooting for Murderous Dictator to Beat Biden In Debate

He really loves the United States but really wants the American president to lose in a debate with the Russian president/chief murderer.

Trump Supporter Prepared to Worry About Deficit, Debts, Corrupt Presidents Again

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- If Donald Trump loses his reelection bid, right-wing podcaster and YouTube star Jethro Bohiggins says he's "bigly prepared to...

Trump Tweets ‘Hilarious’ Babylon Bee Article That Uses The N-Word 735 Times “Satirically”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, the White House has indicated President Donald Trump now understands that the Christotaliban publication The Babylon...
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Religion

Tech

Tic Tac Cock Puts Off Banning App TikTok

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A man with a reportedly very small penis has decided that he will not pursue banning social media app TikTok for...

Whiny Cunt Won’t Stop Complaining About Social Media on Social Media

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He doesn't have to tweet. There is no clause in the United States Constitution that requires any social media company, much...

Twitter to Start Putting “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Label on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time fact checks to tweets created and sent by the most...

Zuckerberg Explains Why Facebook Calls “White Tr*sh” and “Sister F**ker” Hate Speech, But Hate Speech Is Not Called Hate Speech

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Today, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg told a group of investors on a conference call that his platform will continue...

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