The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I hadn't seen in the previous six thousand times I've looked at them." To this very moment, I'm really not sure why she called me, of all people. We're not friends; we're...

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans...

I Asked This Grand Wizard Why He’s Voting for Donald Trump and Not the Democrat

Ask any evangelical, Christian conservative and they'll tell you without batting a single eyelash...

Jesus Just Told Me He Probably Wouldn’t Vote for the “Rapey Sore Loser Guy”

Well, America, you're about to do it. Again. We're gonna have a re-do of 2020. It's gonna be Biden vs. Trump again. When it was...

I’m So Grateful Elon Rescued Twitter from Overly Political Owners So He Can Help Trump Win!

The following editorial was written and submitted by Dustin Pewpsin, a Republican strategist working...

I’m a Single Issue Voter, and It’s Enabling Right-Wing Authoritarians If I Don’t Get My Way

The following piece was submitted to us by reader Gary Neophite, who describes himself...

I’m a Single Issue Voter, and It’s Enabling Right-Wing Authoritarians If I Don’t Get My Way

The following piece was submitted to us by reader Gary Neophite, who describes himself...

Entertainment

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

To Save Trump’s Business Empire, It’s Time to Hand Control to Taylor Swift

Clearly, nobody currently on Team Trump has any idea how to run a business...

George Santos Talked to Us About His Inspiration Behind Steamboat Willie

"...when you're someone like me -- and granted there are so very few who...

First It’s Green Day. Who’s Next – Rage Against the Machine?!

The following editorial was written by Chad Beefington, a right-wing commentator. The views and...

Disney Exec: Company Has Years of Meaningful Experience Dealing With Grumpy Dwarfs

During an investor conference call last week, Disney executives were confident that their company...

Our Whole Office Chipped-In and Got Ron DeSantis a Disney World Annual Pass to Cheer Him Up

When he rides "Pirates of the Caribbean," he may be off-put by seeing men...

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me I Had Fucking Presidential Immunity?!

The following editorial was written and submitted by former President and alive human, Richard...

Call Me Old Fashioned, But Women Shouldn’t Be Dancing at Football Games

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator Dustin Pewpsin. The views and opinions...

George Santos Talked to Us About His Inspiration Behind Steamboat Willie

"...when you're someone like me -- and granted there are so very few who...

First It’s Green Day. Who’s Next – Rage Against the Machine?!

The following editorial was written by Chad Beefington, a right-wing commentator. The views and...

Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have...

I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that...

Jesus: “Silencing Transgender People Isn’t Christian, It’s Cunty”

"I specifically told people to stop being judgmental little twatwaffles to everyone." In Montana, elected...

A Complete List of All the 2024 Presidential Candidates Currently on Trial for Rape

In New York City, a former President of the United States is being sued...

MAGA

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result of letting states ban abortions? sounds absolutely ghoulish to me. And you know who else agrees with me? Jesus." You can probably imagine how surprised I was to get the...

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans...

Jesus Just Told Me He Probably Wouldn’t Vote for the “Rapey Sore Loser Guy”

Well, America, you're about to do it. Again. We're gonna have a re-do of 2020....

Business/Economy

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans he thought he could plant so he could climb a...

McCarthy: Poor People Should at Least Pretend to Work Like He Does For His Six Figure Salary

"Speaker McCarthy is just getting a little sick and tired of all the Poorsy...

3 Important Reasons Bank Execs Need Bailouts But You Don’t Need Welfare

Dustin Pewpsin is a self-described "conservative AF amateur economist and professional politics watcher." He...

Disney World Offering Free Bud Light to Every Transgender Guest This Summer

Transgender guests of Walt Disney World can receive a rather special perk this summer, according to sources within the company. In leaked records provided to us, it appears that Disney executives are about to green light a special promotion that would give free Bud...

DeSantis Bans Minecraft Because ‘Kids Can Get Hoes’ In It

Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida has used much of his second term in office to publicly wage a series of cultural wars. DeSantis has...

Sports

Call Me Old Fashioned, But Women Shouldn’t Be Dancing at Football Games

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator Dustin Pewpsin. The views and opinions...

Jesus Christ Wonders How Many Poor People You Can Feed for Two Super Bowl Ads

Today, Jesus Hubert Christ held his weekly heavenly press conference. One reporter asked the...

Kari Lake Tells Newsmax She Can Prove The Eagles Actually Won Super Bowl LVII

In an interview this morning, certified election loser and Not Arizona's Governor Kari Lake...

Matt Gaetz to Personally Collect Florida’s Student Athlete Menstrual Data

The State of Florida is set to begin collecting menstrual data from its high...

DeSantis Bans Talking About Super Bowl LVI Halftime Show in the Classroom

TALAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Teachers in America's Dong State are forbidden from discussing the halftime show presented at Super Bowl LVI this past weekend, according to a new order signed by Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q). On Sunday, legends of hip hop took to the stage during...

Science & Medicine