Op-Ed: Give Me Hunter Biden’s Dick Pics or Give Me Death!

The following editorial was submitted to this outlet by Dustin Pewpsin, a self-described “alpha male MAGA conservative.” Mr. Pewpsin is a strategist for the Republican Nationalist Party and hosts a podcast, The Right of Way, which can be listened to wherever podcasts and KKK pamphlets are found.

This is a memo to all the Woketopian Libs out there who have forgotten one simple, basic thing: THIS IS AMERICA. We are a free country. And in a free country, nobody has the right to keep me from seeing a presidential son’s dick.

Nobody. Certainly not Johnny Q. Twitter, with his (her?) purple hair and millennial morals. Nobody.

Among the many reasons I’m glad my wonderful Republican friends retook control of the House of Representatives during the recent midterms is the fact that luminaries, true verified geniuses like Jim Jordan of Ohio and Matt Gaetz of Neverland Ranch have promised they will lead the charge and investigate Hunter Biden’s laptop. Which means we may, finally, get to the bottom of who made the decision at Twitter to keep Hunter Biden’s dick pics out of the public eye.

I’m not going to make any predictions, but clearly Hunter’s dick pics are the Benghazi of our times, and I would not be surprised if Killary Clinton herself was behind suppressing the images of Hunter’s peen.

I remain convinced that if everyone in America had been forced to look at Hunter’s genitals, there is no way they would have voted for his father, Sleepy-Bo-Peepy Biden. Sure, you could argue that not nearly every voter even has a Twitter account. Therefore, sure, you could, I suppose, reason that anyone who was really, truly interested in seeing Hunter’s schpeppy would have been able to do so, simply by pointing their web browsers to the The New York Post’s website.

But to all that I say: SHUT UP, LIBTARD.

Obviously, whoever was in charge of keeping us from seeing Hunter’s dick on Twitter that fateful fall in 2020 did so in direct violation of my constitutional freedoms…to see a presidential offspring’s private parts. Find me one passage in the Constitution where it says Twitter has a right to rob me of my ability to stare, intently, and for a very, very long time at Hunter Biden’s dick.

Call me crazy, but I think we should be spending at least as much time figuring out who made the call to keep us from seeing Hunter’s junk as we’ve spent investigating January 6th. What’s more important to real patriots – violent seditious treason, or politically based revenge porn? Depending on how you answer that question, you’ll know whether you’re a patriot.

The bottom line is simple – if this a free country, then no one can stop me from posting pictures of Hunter Biden’s dong anywhere. Not on Twitter. Not on any social media site. So I say to you, my fellow Confederate Americans:

Give me Hunter Biden’s Dick Pics, or Give Me Death!

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