Omarosa: Americans Will ‘Raise Their Arms And Salute’ Her D-List Reality Star Boss

GREEN GLEN, OHIO — In a recent interview broadcast on PBS’ “Frontline” program, F-List Reality TV star Omarosa Manigault said that anyone who has criticzed him “will have to bow down to President Trump.” Today, at a campaign stop in the battleground state of Ohio, Manigault expanded on her comments.

“Not only will his haters be forced to bow down and kiss his presidential ring,” Manigault told a crowd attending the Trump rally, “they’ll have to raise their arms and salute him as he rides by, or any time they seem in public.”

Ms. Manigault said it will be “a glorious, patriotic sight” to see every American “compelled to raise their arms 45-degrees in praise and fealty” to Trump. She also said that she can’t wait to hear Trump scream “Hail Victory” at his inauguration and be “answered back by thousands of adoring supporters shouting ‘Hail Victory!’ right back at him.” Omarosa told the crowd she “got very familiar” with Trump’s leadership style during her time on his reality-TV competition show “The Apprentice,” and that she’s “confident he will rapidly blitz the losers in Congress and around the world” and bring “a new era of America, the Father Land, first.”

“Just picture it,” Omarosa said into the microphone, joy exploding from her words, “thousands and thousands of Trump supporters in their best red Trump hats, brown shirts, or white robes, chanting his name and raising their arms at just the right angle to salute a fine man who will make this country great again!”

After Ms. Manigault had finished her portion of the rally, she handed the microphone off to a man she called “the next car in the washed-up has been train that is Trump’s backers,” Scott Baio. After spending thirty minutes trying to explain to confused rally goers and media who he was, and why he was at all relevant, Baio gave up.

“I guess you guys don’t love Chachi anymore,” Baio said, “and clearly Charles is no longer in charge.” Then, Baio got an idea. “And you know who I blame,” Baio asked, “the libtarded Americans who want gay marriage and for cops to stop shooting black people. That’s who I blame for America’s problems!” The crowd roared its approval, and Baio then introduced Trump, who gave a winding, 90-minute speech in which roughly two sentences of actual substance were uttered.

Reached for comment, a spokesperson for Hillary Clinton’s campaign was at first confused as to who Omarosa was. Our reporter told the spokesperson she was a contestant on Trump’s show. The spokesperson needed further clarification and was told Omarosa was “the original reality-TV show mega bitch villain.”

“Oh,” the Clinton spokesperson said, “she’s still around? We thought her fifteen minutes were up six hours ago.”

Current polling shows Clinton holding a slight lead nationally, after a bad couple weeks brought her leads in a lot of states down and seemed to tighten the race. The General election will be held November 8th, 2016.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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