Obama Offers To Trade Real Birth Certificate For Wire Tap Recordings

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former-President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) reached out to Co-President Donald Trump (R-Mordor) via Twitter this morning and made a rather stunning offer.

“Hey @POTUS,” Obama’s initial tweet read, “how about an old fashioned Yankee swap? My real birth certificate for the wire tap recordings.”

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Obama then, through subsequent threaded tweets, explained his offer more thoroughly. Mr. Obama said that “all these years later” it was “time for everyone to show their cards” and admitted that Trump had been right all along about the former-president’s birth certificate. Obama said he and his staff always kept a “back up copy” of the real certificate in a secret safe located somewhere in the White House. The offer was for Obama to give Trump all wire tap recordings that might have been made of Trump’s campaign in exchange for Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate.

“I can assure you Donald,” Obama said in later tweets, “that my Kenyan birth certificate and your wire tap recordings are equally reality-based and easily obtainable.”

Obama told Trump in a series of tweets he knew that the alleged billionaire had been “pining for the Kenyan one” for years, but that he figures now Trump is probably most interested in getting his hands on the wire taps at this point. Mr. Obama instructed Trump to “just give the word,” and he would send a special “Sharia Express courier” to the White House.

“He’ll leave you with the tapes, and you hand him my Kenyan birth certificate,” Obama tweeted, “Easy-Peasy, slap’n knees-y.”

Many are wondering how serious an offer this is, as there has yet to be any evidence presented that shows the wiretaps exist or were ordered. In fact, over the weekend several prominent members and former members of the U.S. intelligence committee cast heavy doubts on Trump’s assertions. Obama’s offer to trade his birth certificate may indeed just be a bit of trolling, as Obama’s subsequent tweets seemed to get more taunting as they went on.

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“Donny, I have another idea,” Obama tweeted, “how about I show you where we keep our stable of weaponized unicorns and the mer-people who ride them? Or, if you’d prefer, I can show you where we keep all the templates for currency and coins without the In God We Trust bullshit on them. Your call, Comrade Pee-Pee Party.”

The White House could not be reached for comment. Alex Jones was busy installing the chemtrail filter on Trump’s unsecure Blackberry.


James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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