WASHINGTON, D.C. — The nation’s capital is abuzz this morning with talk of a memo that leaked out of the White House indicating that President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Islamic) would be resigning the presidency by the end of the week. Vice President Joe Biden would fulfill his constitutional duty and assume the presidency. Biden’s first act, the memo says, would be to nominate Barack Obama to take Justice Antonin Scalia‘s seat, which was vacated when the 79-year-old died over the weekend.
The memo reads in part:
POTUS has made the decision that it is time to execute the Muslim Voodoo Initiative, the details of which can be found in the Alinsky-Soros Manual you all received when you pledged your undying fealty to POTUS and the Islamic religion upon joining this administration. Once sworn-in, new POTUS Biden will immediately nominate former-POTUS Obama to take Scalia’s seat while invoking the Hidden Super Special Secret Constitutional Clause that gives any newly sworn-in president 48-hours to literally do anything he wants. POTUS Biden will then issue an executive order bypassing the Senate confirmation process on “Sharia Grounds” and once on the Supreme Court bench, POTUS Obama can once and for all help destroy this country that he’s spent eight years helping to guide out of and away from the worst economic crisis of our lifetime.
Needless to say, Republicans on the Hill are scrambling, many not exactly sure what their next move can or should be.
“Well, I didn’t even know about the Hidden Super Special Secret Constitutional Clause,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) told reporters, “but that sounds like something James Madison would put into the Constitution, just in case.” McConnell said that he also is “quite torn” about this memo because “on the one hand Obama not being president is exactly what [he] wanted for the last seven years,” but that “Obama as a Supreme Court Justice is far scarier.”
Senator McConnell might have been referring to this passage from the memo:
All team members should keep in mind that once POTUS Obama becomes SCJOTUS Obama, he will declare the presidency unilaterally unconstitutional and will assume his rightful place as Supreme Chancellor. Please be sure to submit a list of names of people in your family that you do not wish to be rounded up and sent to Supreme Chancellor Obama’s gay marriage and liberal views internment camps. Anyone not on the approved list will be forced into a gay marriage and they will have their mind erased with Sharia Mind Obliterating Ray Guns and replaced with only quotes about famous liberals.
“The damndest thing,” Senator John McCain told the media, “is that we looked into it, and the first part is totally constitutional. In theory, Biden could take over for Obama and could just nominate him for the empty bench seat. Of course, the rest of it sounds like the kind of stuff a silly satirist would make up in the hopes of duping easily misled conservatives into believing yet another clearly outlandish conspiracy theory about the president. But what was I saying?”
The final paragraph of the memo, however, is what Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI) called “absolutely unconscionable” and vowed to “fight it tooth and nail” to his “dying breath.”
As you know, POTUS Biden will then be in the perfect position to name his own successor. Article II, Section I of the Constitution gives him the right to name a VPOTUS, and he will faithfully execute Mission 29342 and will name Hillary Rodham Clinton as his new Vice President, and shortly after she is sworn-in, Biden will resign, leaving Hillary to take the POTUS oath. Then, she’ll name Bernie Sanders as her Vice President and when Supreme Chancellor Obama invalidates the executive branch, they will become his Socialism and Forcing Women Things on People Czars in his new, autocratic government, and the November election will of course be canceled.
“The crazy part is that some of this can really, truly happen,” Ryan said, adding, “it’s incredible to think that Republicans’ constant shenanigans and sophomoric approach to governance could lead to such a crazy scenario, but when you have stunted adolescents who believe all taxes are theft running your party, what’s to be expected? All Hail Supreme Chancellor Obama, I guess.”
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.