Poll: Majority Approve of Trump Using Nuclear Missile on Dorian If It’s Headed Toward Mar-A-Lago

Hurricane Dorian is picking up steam and headed toward Florida, having narrowly landfall in Puerto Rico. The island territory of the U.S. had become a recent rhetorical punching bag for President Donald Trump, but now Dorian is on a path that takes it right toward Trump’s Mar-A-Lago resort. Just days ago, Axios reported that on more than one occasion, Trump has asked military advisers if hurricanes can be blown up using nuclear weapons.

In a new, snap poll conducted by this publication in conjunction with polling company We Poll You So Hard, the overwhelming majority of Americans surveyed supported the president’s idea of attacking hurricanes with nukes, now that one is headed right toward his beloved South Florida property. According to the results, 75% of Americans, and roughly 65% of registered voters think Trump should try to knock down Dorian with a nuclear missile or bomb, provided it is still on a trajectory with Mar-A-Lago in its path.

Printed below is a selection of the responses we received on this extremely real and scientifically conducted poll.

Biff Buffington, 35, Port Hominy, Rhode Island — “I say he should go for it. I mean, either the nuclear bomb works and the hurricane blows up, or it won’t and Mar-A-Lago gets nuked. Sounds kind of like a win/win to me.”







Christine Katherine, 39, Boat Cove, Montana — “Hell yeah. Drop that nuke, Donny. I’m sure everything will be just fine. You never have any consequences for your actions anyway, so I’m sure the bomb will just bounce off the hurricane and land on Hillary’s front porch, with your absolutely insane luck.”







Classic TV Show Being Rebooted, Will Focus On Trump Administration

Susan Carolsby-Winkleston, 44, Shepherd’s Peak, Ohio — “Well, it’s a Trump business. It was going to implode at some point anyway. So I guess it’s just as fitting that it blow up instead.”







Collette Michaleson, 7, Shoreline, Utah — “If that fat, tubby, racist sack of shit does nuke Dorian, I hope he at least has the decency to mount the nuclear bomb and ride it to Hell like Slim Pickens. Yes, I know that a seven year old making a reference to Dr. Strangelove is a big of a stretch, but if you’ve made it this far and haven’t either a) figured out what’s up or b) suspended your disbelief enough already, I can’t fucking help you, fam.”






Jim McJameson, 31, Glen Springs, Colorado — “Oh man. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man. Oh-ho-ho-ho mannnnnnnnnnnnnn, do I want him to try it now! Imagine it. The guy who denies climate change is a thing trying to nuke a hurricane, and instead nuking his dumb resort? Yeah, that’d be pretty sweet.”






NASA Still Unable To Locate Edge Of Trump’s Stupidity

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

James’ newest satirical compilation is out now and available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and soon at WalMart.com.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This