NRA Congratulates California on Two Mass Shootings in Two Days

This week, California saw to two deadly mass shootings in two consecutive days. They mark the 38th and 39th mass shootings this year, though there have been fewer than thirty days that have elapsed thus far.

In response to the dual tragedies in California on Sunday and Monday, the National Rifle Association released the following statement from its President, Wayne LaPierre. We are reprinting the statement in full, verbatim, below.

When word of the two mass shootings in California, on two consecutive days this week, reached us here at the NRA, we of course had one, hopefully helpful response. And that response was so important and, we think, crucial to bringing this country together, that we, the NRA Executive Board, wanted to share it with you, the American people, which we will do right now:


The NRA later tweeted that they would be donating sixty thousand guns to California on first come, first armed basis. Since 1980, more than a million Americans have lost their lives to gun violence, and untold millions more have been injured in gun violence.

@jamboschlarmbo Always count on the #NRA sensitive after a #shooting #gunviolence #secondamendment #satire #politics #political #politik ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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