Trump Organization To Turn North Korean Summit Coins Into New Cryptocurrency “BitKKKoin”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite being scrubbed, for now, the highly-anticipated summit between U.S. President Donald Trump and North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un inspired the production a commemorative coin that featured both men, and the president’s family’s company has plans to use them anyway.

Many people were surprised that the coin was minted, given that North Korea has a history of changing their minds and pulling out of peace negotiations, even at the eleventh hour. This week during a press briefing, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said the Trump White House had nothing to do with the coins being minted. This morning, Mr. Trump told reporters in the Oval Office that his son, Don Jr., had come up with a plan to use the coins as a new form of cryptocurrency.

“At first when he suggested a cryptocurrency, I thought he was talking about a coin only Kellyanne Conway could use,” Trump told reporters, “but I guess he was talking about this new thing the kids are doing where it’s money but not real money, but it’s still money. I dunno.”

The president announced that the Trump Organization would be “taking the coins off the taxpayers’ hands” and re-issuing them as a cryptocurrency later this year.

“It’ll be called BitKKKoin, and I’m bigly excited about it, folks, bigly,” Trump said, adding again, “Bigly. I figure we can do the American people a solid by taking the coins of the taxpayers’ hands. I mean, we ain’t gonna do nothin’ with ’em anyway, right? Am I right? Am I right? Huh? Am I right? Guys? Am I right?”

RELATED: Trump Wanted To Veto GOP Tax Plan After Finding Out Obama Would Benefit From It Too

BitKKKoin, while not official legal tender, will be usable at the following establishments:

  • Chick-Fil-A
  • Hobby Lobby
  • Home Depot
  • NASCAR events
  • Red State NFL Football Stadiums
  • The White House Gift Shop
  • Ann Coulter’s Dried Up, Racist Snatch (select locations)
  • Southern Baptist churches/megachurches

To critics, Mr. Trump might be breaking some kind of law by creating his own currency while the sitting President of the United States.  BitKKKoin could destabilize or devalue the dollar. However, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI), isn’t too concerned, he said, about that issue.

“Oh, yeah, it’s corrupt AF, and someone should totally do something to stop him before he gets away with it,” Ryan said. “Not me, of course. I mean, you know, someone. Just…not me. At all.”

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James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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