Louis CK, Bill Cosby, and Bill O’Reilly Next on Producers’ Shortlist to Host “Jeopardy”

HOLLYWOOB, CALIFORNIA –They really thought they’d found the perfect pair to host one of the most respected and beloved game shows of all time — a celebrity bookworm/anti-vaxxer nutbar and one of their fellow producers. However, before even a week could elapse after the announcement, producers of Jeopardy are scrambling to find a permanent host, again.

To be sure, whomever wins the coveted position of Jeopardy host will be tasked with the unenviable mission to replace Alex Trebek. Mike Richards, the show’s producer who was originally tapped to take over had his chance scuttled when recordings of his sexist comments on a podcast came to light. Actress Mayim Bialik was asked to do the primetime episodes of the show, but fans are finding her past comments on vaccines disturbing enough to petition the showrunners to find someone else instead.

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This morning, Jeopardy’s production team released a statement and acknowledged that they are now in “crunch time” and need to find their new host as quickly as possible. The press statement lists three men who will be given guest hosting auditions in the next several weeks.

“The team behind your favorite trivia quiz show has heard your complaints, concerns, and comments, and we want you to know that we are committed to foisting the exact right kind of scumbag on you, our viewing audience,” the statement begins. “To that end, we have asked comedian/non-consensual masturbation performance artist Louis CK to host new episodes, airing next week.”

In addition to CK, the show’s producers have also contacted Bill Cosby, and former Fox News host Bill O’Reilly to potentially fill the void left by Trebek’s passing.

“Between Louis and the Two Bills, we know the right creep and pervert will come along,” the press release states. “While Alex Trebek was, to the best of our knowledge, nothing like them, we decided it was time to change things up. Much like flushing a toilet changes things up, and that’s a metaphor we think is quite apt at this juncture.”

This is a developing story.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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