Nation’s Females and Minorities Relieved They Won’t Be Asked to Be Trump’s VP

Two snap polls conducted in the last 36-hours confirm that the overwhelming majority of females and minorities living in the United States are relieved that they won’t even be considered as Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential running mate.

The polls, conducted by We Poll, You Extol and CNN, show that 96% of women and 98% of minorities are “utterly and truly relieved” to not be in the running for the Vice-Presidential slot on Trump’s ticket later this fall. The polls come in the wake of an interview with Trump’s campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, in which he told the interviewer the billionaire reality-TV star would likely not choose a woman or minority for the role because it could be seen as “pandering.”

Each poll contained two questions. The first was on each respondent’s general feelings about the news that Trump would not be considering females or minorities for the VP slot.

Q: As a woman, how relieved are you to know that you will NEVER have to be Donald J. Trump’s Vice-President?

Somewhat relieved. 1%
Fairly relieved 1%
Utterly and truly relieved. 96%
I like pie. 0%

(Margin of error 2%)

Q: As a minority, how relieved are you to know that you will NEVER have to be Donald J. Trump’s Vice-President?

Not that relieved 0%
Kinda/sorta relieved 0%
Utterly and truly relieved. 98%
Who’s Donald Trump? 0%

(Margin of error 2%)

With still so much time left in the race, many pundits say polls like these are a good “snapshot” of how people feel now, but that anything change. This week, Trump also officially locked-up the Republican nomination, and the second question, which was the same in both polls, addressed female and minority opinions on a potential Trump presidency.

Q: On a scale of “Oh Sweet Jesus, Really?!” to “Kill me now,” how would you rate your enthusiasm over the possibility of a Donald J. Trump presidency?

Oh, sweet Jesus really?!  3%
Why does the Universe hate us? 35%
It’s cool, I’m going to die soon anyway. 42%
Kill me now.  18%

(Margin of error 2%)

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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